Intoxication
by DreamsofRay
Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity. And then he appears. When Jesse turns up at the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds that, where Finn is easily controlled and predictable, Jesse is like a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

Christmas wasn't usually something that Rachel celebrated.

Sure, she wished people a Merry Christmas and she would occasionally sing Christmas songs, but on Christmas Day her dads and she tended to stay in, watch old movies and eat Chinese food until they were sick. They didn't get a tree and they didn't go carol singing (much) and they didn't do anything Christmassy. They were, after all, Jewish.

This year, that had changed.

Since the whole Santana thing and since she had made out with Puck she had been on the outs with the Glee Club. They had only just forgiven her for the thing with Sunshine and already they were taking against her. It didn't seem fair and this time Rachel had promised herself that she wouldn't stand for it. She _would not_ spend another Christmas alone.

So she had gone for the whole shebang. She had baked cookies for the whole Glee Club, even bought extravagant gifts for each and every one of them (except Santana).

Standing by the piano in the Choir room, she had waited nervously, keeping her show face intact in a way that would have made Barbra proud, watching as they decorated the tree without her. None of them invited her to join them.

As Artie and Brittany swung by next to her she handed over her presents to them, smiling widely as they gave her a strange look and skewered smile.

The rest of the Club began exchanged presents, singing Christmas songs merrily as she joined in on a few lines, unwilling to completely dive in.

She gave out all of her presents, each one expertly and perfectly wrapped with care and watched, trying not to wince as they ripped through her hard work. All exclaimed at their gifts, showing each other and marvelling, throwing back the odd thank you to Rachel, none of them looking her in the eye.

She waited and then she waited some more.

Finally, unable to help herself, she asked. "Should I wait for mine?"

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room and they each glanced at one another, not wanting to be the first to break the hush that was almost suffocating.

Quinn finally spoke, her voice hard. "Well, you're Jewish aren't you, so we figured, you wouldn't want presents."

"So, we decided to… not get you any." Artie continued, not meeting her gaze.

"Sorry," Tina added lamely into the silence that followed.

"Shouldn't be much of a change for you, man-hands." Santana added spitefully, her hard glare burning into Rachel.

"Nothing?" She finally asked, her voice weak.

None of them replied and Rachel fought to keep down the tears that were burning in her eyes, creating a large lump in her throat. It didn't matter, she told herself, sternly, it wasn't much of a change, and really, what was she expecting anyway, they'd never bothered before, why should they now? But no matter what she told herself she couldn't push away that dreadful feeling in her stomach, like when you miss a step coming down the stairs and your insides seem to drop away from you. That's what it felt like, like everything was dropping away from around her.

Fortunately Mr Shue entered at that moment, breaking the horrible silence that had settled and Rachel was able to focus on what he said, pushing the awful feeling to the back of her mind, where she could deal with it later, in private.

She had thought that performing to Finn would make a difference, that he would see how big a deal this was for her. She didn't do Christmas, by principle, so the fact that she had gone to all this trouble especially for him, that was really something.

But he didn't understand that.

She had sung, of course she had sung, the show must always go on, and after the band had left hurriedly, muttering their excuses she stood, alone on the stage and stared out into the blackness of the auditorium, thinking.

Finn. Why was she with him? Sure, he was sweet, if a little dull at times and he loved her… well, she'd thought he loved her anyway. But how could she be sure if, with one little move, he lost interest, lost faith in her and their relationship?

Sighing she pushed her hair away from her face, tucking the stray hairs behind her ear and pulling the red beret from her head. Pushing down the lump in her throat that had returned with vengeance, she screwed up in her hands, straightened her back and walked off the stage.

She would not let this bother her.

Much.

Buying a Christmas tree with Finn had been her second chance, an opportunity to make it up to him. Again. When Last Christmas had come on she had seized the moment, convincing him to sing with her as they looked for trees.

But he had pushed her away, rejected her again and walked away, leaving her alone in between the fir trees.

This time she was unable to push away the lump in her throat. It had reared its ugly head and she had fled, in between the trees and to a deserted corner of the outdoor yard. Sinking down to the floor she buried her head in her hands and let the tears come, pouring down her cheeks in an unending trail of salty liquid.

The sobs wracked her body, making her shake as agonised sobs ripped through her chest.

"Rachel?" The voice made her start and she stiffened, not needing to look up to know who it was. She would recognise that smooth, deep voice anywhere.

Not rising her head she said, with all the resolve she could muster. "Go away Jesse." He wasn't assisted by the way that her voice broke over her name as another sob pushed its way out.

"What's wrong?" She could almost feel him coming forward, despite what she had said, moving towards her as she stiffened.

Looking up, she wiped her eyes angrily, sniffing as she watched him kneel down a few inches away from her.

"Leave me alone." She said, with a little less determination.

"Only once you tell me what's wrong." He replied, stubbornly and she turned to glare at him.

He looked just as he had done that fateful day in the parking lot, except that his hair was longer, still curling perfectly. His eyes, still that unreadable blue- green, seemed more mature, harder. His eyes met hers and she looked away, standing and brushing down her skirt as best she could, avoiding his gaze and wiping away the tears that were still running down her cheeks.

"Rachel?" His voice stopped her as she turned to walk away and she turned, unable to stop herself, sniffling a little and asking.

"What?"

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" His voice was so tender, so kind, almost like a lover's, despite the fact that they hadn't gone out in a little over half a year, reminded her of the harshness of Finn's earlier that day. Before she knew it she was crying again, her sobs ripping through her chest as the days events echoed through her head.

"_Shouldn't be much of a change for you, man-hands."_

Santana's words repeated through her head, chanting, like a continuous mantra.

She barely registered his touch, a hand, as light as a feather and strangely hesitant, resting on her shoulder as her sobs continued.

"Rachel?" He seemed uncertain as, slowly, his hand came around her shoulders and she could feel the warmth of his body pressed against hers.

"Come on," She buried her face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent, the slight whiff of cologne and something else, something unnameable that haunted her dreams in the deepest part of the night. Gently he led her blindly forwards and she went, clinging to him as she cried, weeping and relaxing into the feel in his hand, rubbing up and down her arm.

They came to a stop and Rachel blinked, looking up through her sodden eyelashes as he led her down to sit on a quaint wooden bench.

"Where are we?" She asked, without thinking, turning to see him withdraw his arm and hitch away, leaving an inch or two between them and watching her cautiously.

"In a corner of the Garden Centre that the Tree Sale is attached to." He explained, his voice level as he gazed at her intently.

"What are you doing here Jesse?" She asked through her tears.

"It's Winter Break, I came down to… tie up some loose ends."

She shot him an angry glance, snapping. "I hardly think that I'm a loose end."

His own eyes blazed for a moment. "I came to see a few other people too Rachel."

She just huffed, her anger making her tears harder as she folded her arms across her chest, turning away from him with usual stubbornness.

"Why are you crying, Rachel?"

She turned back to him again, saying shortly. "That's my business."

He considered that and then nodded, "Yes, I suppose it is. But if you want to tell someone who will show sympathy and never repeat what you say to anyone at all, then… well… I'm here."

Turning to look at him properly for the first time, she took in the sincerity, the honest truthfulness that shrouded his eyes, those unending eyes that had been the thing to grab her in the first place.

The words came out in a stream, so suddenly that it took even her by surprise, tumbling over each other like a bubbling spring in her haste to get them out. "I don't understand why he hates me so much! Why any of them do! I normally just take it, I know that I won't know any of them when I pick up my first Tony, but this year I tried, I really tired, with all of them. I sang to Finn, I apologised for what I did multiple times and still he wouldn't listen to me. And I didn't even do anything wrong, it was all his fault and he barely apologised to me! And the rest of the club. The moment I'm off Finn's arm then that's it, I'm out and none of them will have anything to do with me. I mean, couldn't just one of them have at least _thought_ of me when buying their presents?"

Her voice choked off as another sob struggled through, making her brake off, leaning over with the power of her weeping.

"Rache," Jesse's face was twisted with agony and he reached slowly forward, pulling her into his arms as she cried, cautiously wrapping his arms around her and rubbing up and down her back in an attempt to sooth her.

After a moment her sobs weakened a little and she pushed him away, her expression hard again, despite her tears and when she spoke her voice was balanced, neutral.

"Go away Jesse."

He stayed where he was, watching her for the longest of moments, taking in all that he had missed, the slight curl to her dark, silky hair, she had got bangs, he realised. The white tights, childish and yet tantalising at the same time as he followed the curve of her legs upwards. Her bright red coat had fallen open and she was wearing a neat, dark blue skirt. Her deep red lips pouted as she stared downwards, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

God, he had missed her.

"Did you know?" Rachel asked suddenly, turning on him in a sudden rage, with no motivation he could see.

"Know what?" He replied, watching her steadily as she fumed.

When she answered, her voice rising in the way that it always did when she was aggravated, he was startled. "About Finn and Santana? Every other person in that Glee club seemed to know, so did you too? Was it just another thing for you to laugh at me about, behind my back?"

"Finn and Santana?" Jesse gaped and under Rachel's unflinching gaze he shook his head quickly. "I had no idea… did they…?"

Rachel turned away again, unwilling for him to see the pain that rippled through her, the pain that no show face could ever disguise. It was so complicated, a web of lies and deceit that was spun around her, so that now, whichever way she turned, she didn't know who to trust. Finn had been her safety net, the one thing she knew she could count on. Sure, they had fought a few times and they didn't see quite eye to eye, but he was kind and sweet and he loved her. Most importantly, he was always honest with her. Or so she had thought anyway.

She nodded finally, a defeated nod as the energy drained out of her. "That night, when we almost… She was with him. He told me after that they didn't… you know. I'd lied, told him that we had, but I told him the truth later. Even then he wasn't honest with me… even then, when he had his moment, he didn't tell me the truth."

Another tear ran down her cheek.

He gazed at her, watching as the pain twisted her face, her eyes hollow as her breathing broke and hitched. The pain that Finn had caused her. It made him want to hunt the quarterback down and pummel him until he couldn't move. But then, the pain must have been thrice fold when he had… left. At least Finn Hudson was still there and at least she still had some small chance of getting him back.

Jesse had just disappeared. With one last cruel act he had vanished into the mist, like an apparition created only to taunt her and when he looked at her again, he could see the pain of old scars, made afresh. Old pain, forgotten about, being brought to the surface.

"Why do you all lie to me?" Rachel suddenly exploded, her voice breaking twice as she stood, turning upon him with a glare that made his blood run cold for a second.

"Rache, I…"

She turned away from him, cutting off whatever he was going to say. "You what Jesse?" Even with her back turned to him, he still heard her quiet words, her voice laced with defeat and anguish.

And really, what could he say? What could he say that would make up for the inexcusable, the cruel, malicious stunt he had pulled. He could see it, even there, in that dimly lit Garden Centre, that the pain he had caused was still there. If he had seen her any other time, when she was more prepared, more ready, her show face up and the many layers she had created around the memories protecting her from the brutality of his actions, maybe he would have thought she'd gotten over him, forgotten him. But now, with her walls down, her pain and anguish on show for all to see, he could tell that she hadn't healed, as he hoped she would. And really, what had he expected? Rachel was so sensitive, she wore her heart on her sleeve and that made her vulnerable to everyone and everything that tried to attack her.

She had been so close to him and he had blown up in her face, leaving behind only smoke and dust, whispered, empty promises that meant nothing, the memory of lingering looks, touches.

The pain he had caused, the agony that must have hurt her to her core, it would never go. He could see that now. Rachel wasn't one to let things go easily. What he had done, the memories of pain, they would be carried with her forever and effect her for the rest of her life.

What could he do now? Reasoning with her would do nothing, he didn't have a leg to stand on there. But he was fed up of this, being so indecisive, so cautious.

So maybe, this time, he would just tell the truth.

The decision was made before he knew it and he rose quickly, taking the few paces towards her in haste, in case he changed his mind. Taking her shoulder, he pulled her around, looking her straight in the eyes as she began to protest.

"I love you Rachel Berry."

And then, his lips were on hers, crushing with a desperation of time lost. They had been apart for so long and now, now she was here, in his arms. Her hands grazing up and down his arms as she kissed him back, her touch electrifying him as he pressed himself closer to her, frantic for that touch once again, like a need that he couldn't ignore any more. His lips moved at a destructive pace, as he clung to her, desperate for that contact, that knowledge that they still had each other even after all this time.

Rachel kissed him back, taken aback by his sudden move, but unable to form a coherent thought as he held her in that crushing grasp, his hands running up and down her, alighting her nerves and leaving a trail of fire behind them. Her hands automatically went around his neck, one going up to run through his curly locks, the feeling of which she had missed so much. Strange, this, his touch on her skin, his lips pressing into hers, it was almost like a relief, like being freed of a crushing weight that she hadn't realised she been carrying. Her back arched as he pulled her closer to him and her hand ran across his neck, her nails scratching him lightly as she tried to think of something other then his hands on her and the glorious feeling they brought with them.

Inevitably both had to break away finally and as Rachel breathed in much needed air through bruised lips she felt her head begin to clear, although his hands still held her to him. Pushing against his chest she staggered back, gasping for air as she tried to gather her thoughts, which had shattered the moment his lips had touched hers.

She had just formally broken up with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend _Finn_.

"Rache?" His hands wrapped around her waist, pulled him back towards her, his hot breath on the bare skin of her jawbone and she tried to think clearly as her heart fluttered at his touch.

"Get away Jesse," Her whisper was hardly strong.

"Why?" He whispered, huskily in her ear and she felt her legs tremble a little as his ever seductive voice worked it's magic.

"Because I love Finn." She responded, her voice a little stronger as she clung to this one, simple fact. "_Finn,_" She repeated.

There was a moment of silence and all she could hear was his steady breathing, fluttering out across her cheek and causing goose bumps to appear, despite the warmth.

"Really?" He asked finally, his voice still deep and husky. "Tell me that he understands you Rachel, your wants, your dreams, your desires. Tell me that he's everything you want and everything you'll ever want. Tell me you two have everything that we ever had and I'll leave."

"He is, we do." Rachel insisted, her breath catching a little.

He laughed deeply and she trembled a little.

"Liar," He whispered, his tone amused.

And then, suddenly, his lips were brushing her cheek again. One quick, sudden kiss that left a fiery trail on her cheek.

Then he was gone and as she turned, her hand going up to her cheek, she felt her stomach twist at the sight of his confident stride.

He turned once and, to her shock, blew her a kiss, an amused smile dancing on his lips, those ever talented lips.

As he disappeared through the trees Rachel pulled her arms around herself, trying to keep herself together, watching the place he had disappeared as she was thrown into unbearable emotional turmoil.

She hated Jesse St James. She hated the way he had manipulated her, used her, made her feel like a piece of dirt beneath his shoe. She hated the way that she had spent so many nights crying over him in the privacy of her room. And mostly she hated the way that he could just swoop back in and make her stomach jump, her legs tremble and her body tingle.

Oh yes, she hated Jesse St James.

But it was a strange kind of hate.

**Well, there it is. I actually quite enjoyed this because I have been really missing St Berry. Srry if some of the facts about the episode are wrong. **

**I hope you guys like this, and if people want me to, I might extend this into a multi chap fic, although I do have another St Berry multi chapter fic which I mean to post soon. **

**Well, please review and tell me if I should extend it :) **

**Thank you for reading. **

**Ray **

**xxx **


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

xxx

Rachel managed to stumble her way through the Christmas Holidays in a daze of conflicting emotions and burning memories. She kept a show face continually fastened on, posing for all the appropriate pictures and training on her elliptical. She watched three musicals with her dads on Christmas Day and talked ten to the dozen, dissecting each character, each scene to its bare minimum, if only to keep herself from thinking too hard.

Alone, it was a different story. She would lie in her bed at night, her heart hammering as she thought of the feeling of his hands on her, trailing up her back, across her cheek, his firm lips ravaging hers, commanding and yet desperate, and her heart would pound. She would think of Finn, of his short, bristly hair, his strong jaw, his warm smile and words would slip in her memories, tempting her even as she squeezed her eyes tighter together, shaking her head.

It was torture and yet, she couldn't make herself forget.

On the 29th of December she made up her mind to get out of the house in the vain hope that fresh air and a chance to be alone all day would help her clear her head. However, after going to a nearby book shop and then to Starbucks to pick up a Vanilla Vegan Latte, she find her feet automatically leading her to _that _music shop.

Where it had all started.

Holding her steaming cup in her hands she inhaled the familiar scent, standing before the shop and staring at it with a strange mix of thoughtful longing and nervous trepidation. She hadn't been in here since the egging incident, but really, could she let Jesse St James rule her life, even when he was gone? The thought of him immediately brought back memories of his hands on her, memories that seemed to be burned into her mind with a branding iron and as she felt her cheeks burn and her skin tingle she considered the fact that he probably already was.

"Not going in?" The voice, so soft and quiet, close by her ear made her start, yelping in surprise and only just managing to keep hold of her cup.

Turning she found herself face to face with Jesse's chest. Stepping back, she looked up at him, her eyes narrowing into a hard glare as she saw his amused smirk.

"Maybe," She replied, trying to keep her voice even as her heart thumped at the sight of him, looking as handsome and confident as he had a few weeks ago.

"Really?" He was still smiling, that irritating, amused smile that looked as if he knew her better than she knew herself. Which was totally untrue. "Because I've heard that you don't come as often as you used to. Surely that's not because of _me_?" He laughed a little, his expression innocent.

"Of course not," She snapped back, the words out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Indeed?" He raised an eyebrow and in a few smooth confident steps he was inside the shop and out of sight.

Rachel deliberated for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. He was goading her, she knew. Teasing her, daring her to come in after him, to prove him wrong. If she didn't he would know that she never went in there, that the memories of past pain were too hard to bear. If she did, she would have to be around him again, to see him and he cocky smirk, his confident swagger and try not to remember that kiss.

Either way she was the loser.

_Why not?_

Before she could change her mind she pushed the door before her open, cringing as the tinkling bell gave her away, her head automatically ducking.

"Hey Rachel!" The call came from across the store and she looked up immediately, cursing herself when she saw the immediately recognisable curled locks and the arrogant smile that graced this face. He was sat at the piano, that was still in the middle of the room, even after what seemed like years. "Come, sit," He invited, rubbing the spot beside him and grinning at her as most of the inhabitants of the shop turned to look at her, expectantly.

Cursing him to the deepest pit of hell she dragged her feet, walking slowly towards him. He knew what she was like. Knew how stubborn she was, how she wouldn't be able to reject him in front of this crowd of people. It wasn't fair; he was using her weaknesses and using them to play her like a fiddle.

Coming closer to the piano she let her hand reach out and gently trace the contours of the instrument as she passed, almost instinctively. Her heart twisted at the memories that her surroundings brought forth. Memories of an easier time, when thing weren't so complicated, where she didn't feel so utterly broken. Back when she was that naive, hopeful little girl and he was just a handsome lead, who was completely and utterly spell binding.

He moved along the seat, smiling at her a little, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he patted the space invitingly. Sitting down slowly she felt the strangest sense of déjà vu, a strange niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach, as he turned and grinned up at her. She sat a few metres away from him and was glad for the distance; she wasn't ready to deal with the strange, yet inevitable feeling that would come with being any closer.

Glancing up, she saw that the crowd around them were turning, talking between themselves and so turned to Jesse. "This is highly inappropriate Jesse!" She muttered, between clenched teeth.

He laughed a little and his eyes danced merrily, "And why is that Miss Berry?"

"Because!" Rachel hissed, glancing around again self consciously.

He just shook his head, a deep chuckle that made her tinkle inside rumbling in his chest. "So go?" He challenged, his eyes flashing. Daring her again.

"And leave a performance?" She spat out, "never."

"I'll hold you to that," He muttered, before saying, his voice teasing again, with a slight edge that she couldn't pin point. "Well, if this is, as you say, a performance, you'd better put your show face on, we're up."

Without warning his hands slid to the keys, playing them so smoothly and Rachel cringed, turning away from him as the familiar notes tinkled out of the piano. Did he even remember when they had last sung this? Each note seemed to twist her heart a little more, and she wondered at the fact that it was still beating. The music seemed to reverberate through her, making her tremble as old memories surfaced, unwanted, into her mind.

"_Lionel Richie huh? One of my favourites."_

He started to sing and she looked up, not at him, but out at the people watching. They all stared, their eyes wide, admiration painted on their faces, just as they had been the last time this had happened. They couldn't see beneath his show face, beneath the lies and the deceit and the large, phoney smile. Not like she could.

She didn't miss her cue, she was a trained performer, of course she didn't miss her cue. As she sang with him she felt something swell within her, twisting her heart just as it had done the first time. His voice from beside her, so melodious and, although it irritated her to admit it, so much better than anyone else's, seemed to cloud her mind and she fell easily into their original, spontaneous harmony. She couldn't help but wonder why she didn't feel like this when she sang with Finn.

She wasn't even aware she was doing it, but when her eyes met with his she felt a shock run through her. His eyes were so deep, so filled with loving affection and tenderness that it almost took her breath away. He didn't need to look down as they sung, his hands seeming to go through the motions, as if he knew this piece by heart and somewhere, in the back of her mind, she wondered vaguely whether he too had played this song over and over after the unfortunate egg incident, just as she had.

"_But let me start by saying… I love you…"_

The music slowly filtered off and it was only the applause that filtered through the room that made Rachel tear her gaze away from Jesse, blushing angrily. She shook her head, furiously trying to clear her head and gather her thoughts, the final notes still reverberating through her head, echoing and tumbling around.

"Very good Rachel."

She jolted away from the proximity, turning to see him leaning away from her again, laughing a little and saying, "It was purely a compliment."

Scowling she moved forward and grabbed his hand, regretting it immediately as the tingles and heat shot through her, his firm hand holding hers with a grip that made her heart flutter. Pulling him through the crowds she gave a forced smile to the audience members who tossed compliments their way as they went past, pulling Jesse with more force as he smiled naturally, thanking them.

Twisting him between the towering book stands filled with sheet music, she turned on him, letting go of his hand immediately.

"What do you think you're doing?" She hissed.

He leant against the shelves, looking annoyingly at ease. "Singing with you." His smirk was so arrogant that she had to resist reaching behind her and grabbing the _Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_ screen play and throwing it at him.

"Why are you here?" She snapped, glaring at him.

He shrugged, "I like this shop." His face was so impassive that Rachel almost doubted herself for a moment. Almost.

"I mean _here…_ in Ohio."

He shrugged again. "Winter Break, I told you. Plus, my term starts a whole lot later than yours."

She raised her eyebrows a moment, before saying, her tone a little defeated. "Just get lost Jesse."

She attempted to walk past him, but he took hold of her arm, spinning her and pushing her back into the bookshelf, pressing her back against it and putting one hand either side of her head. Trapping her.

"I'd rather not," He leant towards her, his smile still amused. "What I would like to know is whether you've thought about my question from our last meeting?"

Her breath caught, but she tried to keep her eyes hard, staring him out. "Yes," She replied and to her surprise he laughed a little.

"You've thought of me then?" He moved closer, pressing his body against hers to let someone past them, but once the customer with gone, he kept his position.

"No… I…" Rachel closed her eyes momentarily, trying to clear her head as she felt the heat of the body next to her. The feel of his legs pressed against hers threatened to over rule her and she squeezed her eyes together some more, in an attempt to gain some sense.

He chuckled and pulled away, releasing her from his grasp and going to stand opposite her. Abruptly his eyes softened. "How are you Rachel, better?""

"Then the last time you saw me?" She laughed a little bitterly. "Yeah, you could say so."

He asked softly. "Have you heard from Finn?"

She considered lying, but he knew her so well, he could see through every show face she had ever tried on him, even when they first started going out. "No," She turned away from him, unwilling to let him see how much pain one word caused her.

Then he said something that completely surprised her. "Finn is a douche."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and then laughed, startling even herself as she did so. These were the words she had needed to hear. Words that, for once, blamed Finn, not her. It seemed as if everyone had been blaming her, all of the Glee Club at least. She had even started thinking it was her fault herself. But here was Jesse, condemning Finn, blaming Finn for what had happened, instead of her.

She felt suddenly relieved, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she was able to breathe again, even as she said, automatically. "No he's not."

"And why not?" Jesse's eyebrow rose.

"Because…" She trailed off and then sighed heavily. He had to find out sometime. "When I found out, I was angry and Santana even told me he bought her dinner afterwards and I… kissed Puck."

Jesse's other eyebrow shot up and he watched her for a moment, a strange expression passing over his face before disappearing as fast as it had appeared, thoughtful curiosity taking over.

"Finn found out?"

Rachel nodded miserably, her stomach dropping.

Jesse sighed and ran his hand through his hair, thinking a moment before saying.

"He's still a douche."

"What?" Rachel looked up then, surprised.

"Yeah, and Santana's a mean whore."

"What?" She repeated, gob smacked. She had been certain that he would turn on her, like Finn had.

"Yeah, he should have forgiven you, I mean, an eye for an eye right? If he really cared for you he would still want you back."

His gaze was intense and she looked away, shrugging. "Maybe you're right."

"I'm _always_ right." His voice was back to that amused, slightly arrogant tone that he usually used.

She turned back to him, her eyes hard. "Oh really?"

"Of course," He bragged, smirking, then his eyes turned soft, as they had done before and his tone was gentle, soothing. "Look, you don't have to, but… do you want to grab some coffee, catch up?"

She stared at him, open mouthed and he added, smiling again.

"I'll pay."

She wasn't sure what made her say it. She opened her mouth to say no, to scream and shout and tell him to go to hell. But that wouldn't achieve anything. There would be no answers if she did that, only silence. And Rachel was fed up of silence.

"Okay…"

His face seemed to light up from the inside, although he tried to hide it, his delight making his trademark smirk just a little too wide, a little too happy.

"Okay then, ladies first." He gestured with a flourish, letting her go past him and as she walked she could feel his eyes on her back.

Xxx

When they were seated in the warm booth by the window in the coffee shot, Rachel smoothed down her skirt nervously. This was so weird. Why was she here? This boy had humiliated her, embarrassed her and now she was sat in a coffee bar talking to him about her boy troubles? What was she doing here, what did she hope to achieve?

Answers.

It was as simple as that.

Over the year she had played the good girlfriend to Finn, always smiling, hanging on his arm, kissing him when he deemed appropriate and knowing when to leave him be with his fellow jock friends. But she had always wondered. What had she missed in her and Jesse's relationship? Where had it all gone wrong? She had thought it was going so well, especially when he forgave her for the Run Joey Run incident. Had it been a lie from the start? Had none of it ever been real, true? Or had there been some signal, some secret sign that she had missed that had made him turn on her so quickly?

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Why did you do it?"

"What?" Jesse looked at her for a long moment.

"You know what I mean." She accused him, her voice steely as she watched him, cupping her second Latte in her hands in hopes that he wouldn't see them trembling.

He ran his hand through his hair again, something he tended to do when he was frustrated and she remembered, for a second, what it was like to run her own hands through those locks, to comb the silky wisps back from his face and curl them around her fingers. Her palms started tingling and she jolted herself away from her thoughts.

"What exactly do you want to know?"

The words tumbled from her lips in a frantic stream as she poured out her questions, questions which had haunted her for the past year, unwilling to let her go. "Why did you do it? Was it all a lie from the start? Every touch, every kiss we shared, was it all a big act for you? What did I miss?"

"No!" He cried and then lowered his voice a little. "No, no I…" He thought for a moment before looking up at her, his eyes forceful. "Do you want the truth?"

"_Yes_."

"Fine," He ran his hand through his hair again and leant forward towards her on the table as he spoke. "Shelby asked me to befriend you, so that some time in the future ai could give you the tape she's made."

"Yeah, like that was worth it," Rachel interrupted, bitterly.

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "So I went out with you, I even transferred, but then I found myself…" He stopped for a moment, struggling over his words. "You're one of the most talented, beautiful people I've ever met, and I began to care for you…"

She kept silent, trying to push away the tears that threatened to spill out over her cheeks. She had never expected him to say anything so sweet. In her head she had painted him as the bad guy, the heart breaker, the player. It was so strange to hear him say this now.

"I never meant to hurt you. I thought you would be better off with Finn, I used that to sooth any doubts I had, that thought that you would be with Finn, that he could comfort you. I was fooling myself, of course. But I never meat for it all to get so complicated, so many twisted feelings…" He sighed before saying, his voice calmer now. "Shelby told me that if I didn't get a fourth consecutive Nationals I would loose my scholarship. I needed that scholarship so badly. It was my ticket out of here, out of Ohio and all its dead ends. I went along with the funkification. But you have to believe me, the egging was not my idea. I had no idea what was going to happen until it happened and I knew I had to go along with it…" He trailed off before uttering two words that changed made Rachel's jaw drop.

"I'm sorry."

Gazing at him, she tried once again to keep away the tears that were helping the painful lump in her throat to grow. It wasn't fair that he should say this now, mix her up and confuse her. She had just managed to convince herself that he was the villain, the one she should stay away from, that's what everyone else said and had always said. So why did she feel this strange longing, the warmth that illuminated her from inside when he spoke, the feeling that she hadn't been breathing properly until she heard him say those two words.

"Okay," She said finally.

Jesse looked at her closely, scrutinizing her face, before saying, "I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon, you know. Hell, perhaps you'll never forgive me. That would be… reasonable."

"I'll… I'll think about it," She replied, taking a sip from her Latte and inhaling the scent, hoping it would calm her.

Then, suddenly, he was frowning curiously and asking, "Why didn't you have a solo at Sectionals this year?"

She was so taken aback by the sudden change of subject that she spoke vaguely, trying to focus on what they were now talking about. "You saw that?"

"Of course," He answered. "I've always seen it, why would I change those habits now?""

"I guess…" She trailed off.

"So why?" He asked again, still frowning.

"Mr Shue decided that this year he would give the solos to those who don't normally get them," She sneered, warming to her subject as she spoke. "Which entailed silencing me and my talent, and giving the leads to Quinn, Sam and _Santana_." Her mouth curled downwards in disgust.

Jesse gaped for a second before saying, slightly breathlessly. "Has Shue finally lost his mind?"

"You'd think so," Rachel grumbled. "And what makes it even worse is knowing that if I'd been able to showcase my obviously superior talent we would have won, instead of just _drawing_." She spat the word out.

Jesse shook his head, rolling his eyes at the Spanish teacher's odd ideas, before saying. "Who's Sam?"

"A new guy, he's a Californian surfer dude." Rachel took another sip from her cup.

"Any good?" Jesse asked, curiously.

"Mediocre," Rachel replied and then shook her head.

"Why has Kurt gone over to Dalton?"

"Oh," Rachel looked back up at him again. "He's transferred. You know Karafosky, the Neanderthal Hockey Player?" Jesse nodded. "He was really picking on Kurt, bullying would be a better word really. Believe me, it was far worse than slushies."

Jesse shuddered and Rachel surprised herself when she laughed.

"No, you never did really like them."

"They did nothing for my hair!" Jesse cried, indignantly, a hand shooting up to protect his perfectly styled hair.

Rachel just shook her head. Some of the tension between them had disappeared and for that she was glad. Maybe, just maybe… things would get better from here on in.

Xxx

**Sorry for the long wait guys, I normally like to have chapters written in advance- but I wasn't prepared this time. I'll try and make my updates more regular.**

**Okay, I wasn't so happy with this chapter, I thought it was kind of choppy. Thank you all so much for the amazing response, I never really expected to get so many people wanting more. I've had to think up a plot line! **

**Just a quick note, thank you so much to my unofficial beta Scribbles111- who helped me with my first chapter. She hasn't actually seen this one, so hopefully she'll enjoy it :) **

**Might be a while till I update because I've caught something that feels suspiciously like flu and I can't write when I'm like this :(**

**Please R 'n' R- reviews inspire me.**

**Love**

**Ray**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee.**

Xxx

It was dark when Rachel got home. Pulling up against the curb she lingered for a moment, taking her key from the ignition and turning the _Les Miserables_ key charm over in her hands as she looked out of the window towards her home. She didn't feel guilty, as such. After all, what did she have to feel guilty about? She had gotten lunch with an old friend. That was all. It wasn't as if she was still dating Finn or anything. And yet, she could still feel the unexplainable gnawing of something eating away at her insides. Shaking her head at the foolishness of it all she grabbed her bag and clambered from the car, slamming the door behind her and walking quickly up to her door.

Her dads had left the door open for her, unsurprisingly. She had already decided, almost subconsciously, that she wouldn't tell her fathers of her two accidental meetings with Jesse. When they had heard of the 'egg incident' they had been close to fury, it had been rather frightening and Rachel had been seriously worried that they would hunt Jesse down with a machine gun. So perhaps, for their sakes at least, she would keep these strange meetings under wraps, for now anyway.

Leaving her bag and coat by the door she moved softly into the living room, where there was a faint blue glow coming under the door and a distant mumbling of voices. Stepping into the room she stopped in the doorway for a second, looking down at her dads, who were curled up next to each other on the sofa watching a documentary on dolphins.

Herim looked up, smiling at her in the dim light and patting the sofa space next to him, shifting a little in her dads grasp and making room for her. "Hey honey," His smile was gentle.

Smiling in return she went and sat beside him. "Hi Papa, hey Daddy."

"How was your day?" Leroy asked, leaning around his partner to see her.

"Good, yeah, I didn't really buy anything though, nothing caught my eye."

"Great, we'll just finish watching this and then have dinner, you haven't eaten have you?"

"No," She shook her head and snuggled down deeper into her papa's embrace; enjoying the relaxing feeling of his arm around her, which eliminated any memories of curly haired boys and fiery touches.

Xxx

Jesse always seemed to be around. The next day she went to the local theatre with her dads to see a matinee performance and she could have sworn she saw the tip of a curl, the edging of a black jacket as she queued to get in.

Then, at the gas station on her way home, she would see a familiar black Range Rover just pulling away from in front of her.

It was getting ridiculous; she would see Jesse wherever she turned and if she was being honest it was beginning to irritate her.

Xxx

It could no longer be ignored that Rachel needed school things. She had previously been trying to ignore this fact and stay at home watching re runs of Oprah and Funny Girl, but the day before she had picked up her book bag and the handle had snapped cleanly in two. She blamed this on carrying around a library's worth of sheet music with her.

Her dads gave her the money and, smiling widely, told her to go out to town, meet up with some friends and buy a new bag.

Not wanting to admit to them that she doubted many people would want to meet up with her at the moment she had fixed her show face in place and taken the money, thanking them and leaving the house.

Now, walking alone through the mall she tried to convince herself that she didn't care. They were only people after all. And it was lonely at the top, she knew that already.

She'd learnt that lesson the hard way.

Giving her skirt one last brush down, she took hold of her shoulder bag with two hands and started purposefully through the mall.

Things went well, until she got to 'the fountain'. The fountain was just that, a cheap water feature made of imitation marble that squirted up a trickle of water, before letting it fall back down into the pool that surrounded it. At first, people had thrown coins in there, change that filled up their pockets, but the coins seemed to mysteriously disappear, so after a while people stopped. Surrounding the fountain was a small café, where, typically, couples would come and eat out together at lunch- it was sort of a smaller version of 'Breadsticks'. However, just like Breadsticks it was ridiculously over priced, so if a guy asked you if you wanted to eat at the fountain, you knew it was serious.

Which was why her heart constricted in her chest when she saw, amongst the couples talking and kissing over the tables, Finn.

And sitting opposite him, in her Cheerios' uniform, despite it being a Saturday, was Santana. Rachel stood, fixated, watching as Finn said something and Santana threw her head back and laughed jovially.

Well, come on, Finn wasn't _that_ funny.

Her heart skipped a beat as they got up, leaving money on the table. Santana put two hands around his neck and leant up on her toes to press her lips to Finn's, pulling him closer and he returned the kiss, his hands encircling her waist and pulling her up against him.

Rachel turned quickly, tears burning her eyes hotly as she breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself. She blinked rapidly, but one tear escaped anyway, running down her cheek before she could wipe it away.

"Get out of the way man-hands."

She jumped around a foot and turned back again to see Finn and Santana stood before her, Finn's hand pulling Santana close into his side, just as he always had with her. Finn was avoiding looking at her, scuffing his shoes on the dirty white tiles beneath them. Santana's gaze, by contrast, was burning a hole through her with its intensity.

"Well?" Santana's voice was loud, aggressive, but Rachel only continued to stare, unable to move as she watched them together.

Santana huffed loudly and glared at her. "Look, freak, you're going to have to accept that Finn and I are together now. Especially after you went and made out with Puck, slut."

The insult was like a slap in the face and Rachel blinked at her, mouth agape. Santana Lopez had some nerve, telling her that _she _was a slut. Santana gave it up like it was spare change.

"I-I never meant…" Rachel managed to force out through frozen lips. The sight of them together had petrified her.

Santana opened her mouth to make yet another scathing comment, but Finn spoke over her.

"Shut up Rachel. Just shut up."

Rachel's eyes shot up to meet his and she cringed away at the glare that was being directed her way.

"Move it!" Santana shouted finally, impatient, her voice cracking through the air like a whip.

She shoved her roughly with her shoulder, bumping her out of the way so that Rachel stumbled back, only just managing to catch herself. Hooking her arm with Finn's, Santana cast Rachel one last scornful glance, before the pair turned their backs on her and walked away.

Rachel glanced around at the few people who had stopped to watch the mini drama playing out before them and most looked away when she caught their eyes, embarrassed. A few football players, however, continued to look at her, large smirks covering their faces as they laughed together, nudging those next to them and pointing up to her.

Rachel turned away quickly, her heart pounding and looked up, about to walk away, when something cold collided with her face. She blinked, thrown for a moment as the sticky mixture of corn syrup and food colouring ran down her face, staining her new yellow blouse. Laughter ricocheted off the tiles around her and she cringed as looked up to find that most of the spectators were looking at her now, laughing unkindly. A few were even pointing.

"Get out of here, you freak!" The shout was anonymous, but Rachel felt her insides twist anyway, her heart burning in her chest as tears stung her eyes and she fled the mall.

Blood pounding in her ears she ran blindly to her car, throwing herself in and finally allowing the tears to trail down her face, mixing with the slushie still clinging to her face and turning a faint pink colour.

_No one wants me. _

The thought pounded through her head like a mantra, unending, over and over and over as she cried, the sobs wracking her body and sending shudders through her as the phrase repeated itself continuously.

It was true, no one did want her.

Not her mother, not Jesse, not even Finn.

_Finn._

Just thinking of him made her want to scream. Scream and shout and cry for eternity. Curse the Gods for the unfair hand they had played her.

It wasn't fair.

Why didn't the Glee club like her? What did she do wrong? And Jesse, the boy who was her best friend, her soul mate, the one who taught her it was okay to be herself. He didn't want her either. Even her own mother had rejected her. Surely there was something wrong with her if her own mother had rejected her, right?

The buzzing of her phone heralded a new message and she fumbled through her purse, pulling it out. Through her tear filled eyes she read the word _Finn_. Her heart skipped a beat and she opened it quickly, her stomach sinking as she did so, new tears forming in her eyes and blinding her.

_Rachel, I'm really fed up of you following me around and stuff. Just leave me alone. I don't want you anymore. You betrayed me and I hate you for it. _

She gasped, struggling for air. Inside her thoughts flew around in and strange jumbled mess of anger, sadness and hurt. And then Rachel Berry made the strangest decision of her life.

If no one wanted her, she would find someone who did.

Xxx

Jesse didn't know what he was doing. Back here. In Ohio. The one place he had spent years trying to get out of.

True enough, he had taken to life at UCLA like a duck to water. But there was always something missing. When his friend Johnny had suggested going back to Lima, Ohio, he had scoffed, shrugged him off. Why would he ever want to go back there?

Of course, he knew the answer to that and he knew that Johnny did too.

_Rachel Berry_.

To Jesse it made no sense. Rachel Berry was just a high school girl. She had never really been anything more, well, in the beginning anyway. He would admit only to himself that he had started to feel something more for Rachel Berry. He had been attracted by the sexy, school girl charm she held. The innocence of those pleated skirts and long socks had drawn him in. And then suddenly, it was more than just a job. Suddenly, he felt for this girl. Not just the lustful feelings of youth, but real feeling, strange feelings, _alien _feelings.

So he had had to cut it short. A clean break, he had hoped, would spare either of them the pain he could feel, instinctively, would come with separation.

It hadn't worked for him.

He had hoped that she would be okay, that she would hate him too much to miss him. But when he first saw her, in that Tree Sale, he knew it hadn't worked. The way she had looked at him, it had made it obvious how much she was hurting. He had seen years of scars, pain that she had pushed away, tried to ignore.

He had only added to that.

And that knowledge hurt him more than anything else.

When the Christmas Holidays came around and everyone told him that they would be off with their families he realised he didn't have much to stick around for. So he had gone back to Lima. His parents were in southern Africa somewhere and had called him on Christmas Day to wish him Merry Christmas. Other than that he had been on his own.

He had met up with a few old Vocal Adrenaline friends, but, other than that he had been alone. Apart from Rachel.

Now, driving through the outskirts of town he considered how strange his life had become. This time last year, he would never have guessed that he would be driving around Lima, Ohio, thinking about a girl who hated him. But the truth was, she tended to haunt many of his thoughts nowadays. The chemistry between them when they had met was incredible and it amused Jesse to watch Rachel and try and fight it.

She was fighting a losing battle.

Although he liked to be in control of their little meetings, he could feel it secretly, when she clinched control. She would expose him sometimes. One scathing comment was enough to peel away his cocky exterior and show her the real him.

Jesse hated it when she did that. It made him feel vulnerable, open, but he could tell that she grew tired off the arrogant façade. She enjoyed it to an extent, arguing with him, sparring verbally gave her a thrill. But he could see when she became irritated with him and he tried to lower the façade just a little, let her see snatches of him, the _real _him.

But never anything more.

Because what if she didn't like what she saw?

He wouldn't be able to handle that.

Glancing out of the window he sighed and stopped off at the side of the road. He wouldn't normally endanger himself by coming down this side of Lima- it wasn't exactly the nicest side of town- but he had been out with a few friends the night before. One of them, Sam, was in Vocal Adrenaline, and had brought his girlfriend along. The slightly strange blonde girl had managed to leave her purse at Jesse's and Sam had begged him to take it back to her for him, as he had V.A rehearsals.

Jesse did as Sam had asked, mainly out of boredom, slotting the small purse through her letterbox and turning to walk back to where he had parked his car. His steps quickened as he noticed the sun sinking below the horizon above him. He wondered vaguely if he could see Rachel again soon.

Raucous voices came from the open door of a bar that he passed and he glanced inside as he heard a familiar trilling laugh that sounded strangely different. He stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk.

Inside the atmosphere was dark and musky, despite the hour still being quite early. He could make out a group of people sat on bar stools, swaying as they talked in loud voices.

One voice stood out among the rest.

Pushing his way inside Jesse felt his blood boil when he saw the brunette, her hair falling messily about her shoulders, which were shaking with mirth.

"Rachel?" His voice cut through them and Rachel turned, smiling widely and spreading her arms towards him, one hand clutching a bottle of some unknown brown liquid.

"Jesse!" She cried happily, turning to her companions and saying, "This is him. Jesse!"

She struggled to her feet and Jesse stared as he looked her over. He had to admit that he had barely ever seen her out of her traditional skirt, sweater and socks routine, but never in a million years would he ever have dreamed she even owned an outfit like this.

Replacing her usual ballet flats were high, sharply pointed boots with a large heel. She wore tight fitting lycra leggings and a large black belt with her black sweater on and a small, fitted leather jacket slung over her shoulders. She still smiled at him, and pushed her hair back from her face, her large silver necklace jangling.

She looked seriously hot.

Jesse shook his head quickly and glared at her as she cried. "Come and have a drink Jesse!"

"What are you drinking?" He snapped, snatching the bottle from her outstretched hands and holding it out of her grasp as he read the label. Alcohol. Of course.

"Rachel what the hell are you doing drinking this stuff?" He shouted at the girl who was still smiling widely. "You're not even legal!"

"It's fun!" She grinned madly and he shook his head, grabbing her upper arm and starting to pull her out of the bar. "Jesse!" She moaned. "I don't wanna go!"

"Yes you do." His told her between clenched teeth.

"Seriously Jesse!"

"I think she said she didn't want to leave?" A guy had stood up from the bar and was leaning over the pair of them, scowling at Jesse.

Turning, Jesse scowled at him. "Back off," He warned. "Now."

"Why should I?" The guy stepped closer again and Jesse shoved Rachel behind him, moving to stand in front of her. She was clinging on to his arms now, and he could feel her trembling lightly.

"Maybe she wants to stay here, with us." He cast Rachel a glance that Jesse knew well.

"You're sick, she's barely seventeen," He growled angrily, his hands balling into fists.

"She didn't seem to have any objections." He leered at them and Jesse lost it, pushing Rachel back a little he launched himself at the man, punching him squarely in the jaw and making him stagger back a few steps.

"Don't ever come near her ever again." He spat out and turned, taking hold of Rachel's arm again and leading her out of the bar and down the street.

She was strangely quiet as they walked, until finally saying. "Why are you so angry, Jesse?"

He shook his head roughly, continuing to pull her down the street. His rage still bubbled inside him, making it hard to speak.

When they got to his car, Jesse opened the door for her and she got in without hesitation. Going around to the other side he clambered in beside her and put his hands on the wheel, but didn't drive.

"What were you doing there Rachel?" He asked finally and she looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

"I just wanted some fun," She replied defensively, hunching in her seat.

"You want fun, you go down to the community theatre, or watch _Singing in the Rain, _or sing _Wicked _songs. You don't go out and _drink." _His hands clenched on the wheel and when her turned to look at her, he asked, forcing himself to relax. "What happened?"

She shook her head, tears started to pour down her face silently as her expression crumpled. "I saw Finn and Santana together."

The sudden change alarmed him and he realised that she probably hadn't had as much to drink as he thought she had.

Of course it would be Finn's fault.

It was always Finn.

He pulled her close to him, so he was leant over the handbrake and held her as she sobbed into him, her shoulders shuddering as cries escaped her parted lips. He stroked her back gently, soothing her. As she cried, a small part of him wondered whether she had cried like this when he had left. Had he inflicted this pain on her?

He was torn.

On one hand, he would like to think that she loved him just as much as she loved Finn.

On the other hand, he would never wish this pain on her. He was having a hard time staying and holding her as she cried. All of his instincts were honed towards going and ripping Finn's face off.

But he didn't, he just held her as she cried herself out and once she was sobbing weakly, the occasional hiccough escaping from her, he asked, gently.

"Are your dads home?"

She shook her head weakly into him and he nodded.

"Okay, let's get you home then."

xxx

**I really really wasn't happy with how I ended this chapter, but I wanted to get this out to you guys tonight.**

**So sorry for such a big delay, I've had flu, as I mentioned and several technological problems, which continue to plague me now. However, I've got this done and out to you and I am now getting much much better. **

**Speaking of better, this chapter has not actually been able to be betaed so it may be a little rough around the edges. It hasn't been betaed because I couldn't get hold of my beta Scribbles111, but I'm sure she'll bite my head off for putting this out without letting her read it first :) **

**Time for some shameless promotion. I have a new St Berry fanfiction out there, called One Hand One Heart. Please read it? It's really long on my computer at the moment so there's tons to read.**

**Please?**

**Oh and please review? Reviews are literally gold to me. **

**Lots of love**

**Ray**

**xxx **


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee.**

**Please forgive any errors- once again this is unbetaed :(**

**xxx**

It was dark when they arrived back at Rachel's house and the driveway was empty of cars. Jesse made a mental note to find out where Rachel's car was so he could pick it up and bring it back for her. But right now he had more pressing matters to deal with. Turning, he looked down at the semi conscious girl slouching in the passenger seat. Leaning over, he shook her gently, and she groaned a little, looking up at him.

"Rachel?"

"Jesse?" Her voice rasped against her throat.

"We're home, can you walk?"

"I don't know…" She sat up and rubbed her forehead, frowning a little.

Moving out of the car he hurried around to the other side and opened her door, offering her his hand and helping her down, only to have her stagger a little when he let go. Catching her, he held her up gently, one hand resting lightly around her waist as she leant against him. As much as he tried not to, he couldn't help feeling a spark of pleasure shoot through him at the feel of her pressed against him.

Balancing her carefully, he dug through her pockets until he found her keys, struggling with the stiff lock for a few seconds, before swinging open the door to the dark hallway. Helping her in, he let her go for a moment, turning back to shut the door gently. Flicking on the light switch, he turned to see her leaning heavily against the staircase and smiling dopily at him. Sighing, he shook his head and proceeded to help her upstairs.

It was easy to find her room. Firstly, because he remembered exactly where it was and secondly because of the bright gold star on the door, the word Rachel engraved elegantly across it. Opening the door for her, he let her go and she walked unsteadily to her bed, sitting heavily on the pink comforter and looked up at him.

"What now doctor?" She giggled a little and he eyes her warily.

"Why don't you get ready for bed Rache and I'll go make you a nice cup of herbal tea?"

She frowned, but nodded, sighing loudly and huffing a little before saying, her voice whiney. "_Fine_."

He left her then, walking down the stairs to the kitchen, flicking on the light in there too. Stopping at the doorway he looked in for a moment, surveying the room that held so many memories for him. It was the main room in the house, he knew, because it was where they ate every meal time. Her dads would always cook, Herim doing most of the cooking, whilst Leroy moved around him, cleaning up after him, both humming show tunes to themselves' as they cooked. If Rachel and Jesse arrived they would turn up the music and sing _Les Miserables_ songs together, their four voices rising up to echo through the kitchen as Rachel and Jesse would lay the table and grab drinks.

There were other times too. Times when he and Rachel had been in the room alone. They would make popcorn and chat about the day as she would expertly whip up two cups of tea in record time. Moving further into the room, he ran his hand along the sanded wood top of the kitchen table. He could remember sitting on here and watching her as she moved around the room. She moved with such an elegance and grace, never stumbling, knowing where everything was and he would sit back and watch her, appreciatively. He flushed a little as he remembered the few compromising positions they had created whilst still dating. She was always such a tease in those temptingly short skirts.

Closing his eyes quickly, he shook his head furiously, thinking of anything else. _Dead puppies. Butchers shops. Crying babies. Rachel's lips on his… _

He grunted in frustration. Anything but Rachel.

_His grandmother_.

That did the trick well and he sighed, opening his eyes and grabbing a mug, making the herbal tea quickly and cupping the steaming beverage in his hands as he walked upstairs.

He hesitated outside her room, remembering again some of those compromising positions.

_Grandmother, grandmother, grandmother…_

"Rache?" He called softly, pushing open the door hesitantly when he heard no protest. She was in her bed already, her scanty clothes strewn over the arm chair in the corner and she was now wearing pastel coloured pyjamas.

Sighing he rested the mug on the bedside table and flicked off the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. Using the light of the moon, which shone in through the window, he made his way towards her desk chair and slumped into it, spinning around so he could watch Rachel sleep. Leaning back against the desk behind him, he settled himself in for a long night

Xxx

He jerked awake suddenly, his stomach dropping as his eyelids struggled against the weak, watery light that was starting to shine through the window. He couldn't quite remember when he had fallen asleep and he pushed himself up slowly, his gaze zeroing in on Rachel's bed. She was still there, sleeping soundly, her arms hugging the pillow close to her.

Pushing himself up, he slipped quietly out of the door, cringing as he felt the first step creak beneath his feet. Glancing out of the window, he saw only his own car in the driveway and breathed a sigh of relief. Her dads obviously hadn't returned, which was good, because their current situation would have been hard to explain.

Going to the kitchen, he poured a glass of water and kept his eyes firmly away from the table as he left and went up to her bathroom, leaving the water on the table beside the now cold tea. Digging through the medicine cabinet, he pulled out the Paracetamol and turned to go back into the room, freezing in the door way, when her wide eyes met his.

"Jesse?" She broke the silence quickly, her voice rasping against her throat as her hand moved up to cradle her head, her face scrunching up in pain.

"Here," He handed her the water and the pills and went to sit in the desk chair again, pulling it closer to the bed and twisting it so that he could lean forward against the back of the chair.

She took the pills willingly, gulping down the cold water and he waited until she put down the empty glass on the bedside table before asking.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little confused, what are you doing here?" She leant back against her pillows, frowning at him.

"What do you remember from yesterday?"

She frowned and rubbed her forehead again, looking down, "I remember going to the mall," Her voice broke on the last word and he frowned, concerned, when he saw one tear start to run down her cheek, before she wiped it away quickly.

"Then… I went to the bar and you…?" She looked up, frowning. "You came and got me? How did you know where I was?"

"I was in the area anyway," He shrugged. "What I want to know is why you felt the need to go out drinking anyway?"

She looked away again, refusing to meet his eyes as she played with a loose thread on her comforter."You should go," She said finally, her voice soft.

He shook his head, even though she couldn't see it. "I'm not leaving until I get answers Rachel."

She frowned, looking up at him. "Get out of my house Jesse."

"No." He replied, stubbornly.

"Jesse!" She sat up further in the bed, glaring at him.

"I'm not leaving unless I get answers." He reiterated, folding his arms and leaning forward to watch her.

"You don't have the rite," She seethed, her eyes fixed angrily upon him.

"Says who?" He countered.

"Says you- when you smashed an egg on my forehead!" Her voice rose, tearing through an octave with a violent fury.

"I knew you hadn't really forgiven me!" He threw his hands in the air angrily, getting to his feet and turning away, shoving the chair roughly away.

"I'm a _vegan_ Jesse," Her voice was icy and he turned to see her kneeling up on the bed.

"I already told you, I didn't mean for it to end like that."

"You never loved me!" Her shout echoed around the room, and he glared at her.

"Of course I love you, don't be ridiculous!"

"You think? You think that an egg to the forehead, a heart trampled in the mud- you think that's love?" She laughed, hard and sarcastic. "You have a seriously screwed up perspective on the world Jesse!"

"It was a mistake!" He yelled back.

"Don't lie to me!" She screamed.

"I'm not!" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and when he spoke again, his voice was low. "I'm not lying Rachel, it was a mistake, probably the biggest mistake I've ever made and I regret it _so much_."

He turned back and watched as her face crumpled.

"Why do you do this to me?" She cried, angry. "All of you, you mix me up, you play with me, use me like a puppet and then throw me aside when you're done!"

"I never used you!"

"Yes you did," Her voice was scathing. "You and Shelby, you used me in your sick little games, and then she threw me aside, just like you."

"She shouldn't have done that." He shook his head. "We argued about it- I think she was wrong Rachel."

"Well that makes _so_ much difference doesn't it?" Rachel's voice screeched, her eyes tearing up again.

"Yes!" He shouted back, scowling.

They broke off, both gasping for breath- having hit a stale mate.

When Rachel finally spoke, her voice was quieter. "You all just play with me and I… I can't take it any more. You mess with me- throw me around like a rag doll, like I don't have any feelings. I… I don't…"

She shook her head, turning away. "Leave Jesse."

"Rache," He reached forward, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder.

She flinched and ripped herself away, turning on him with narrowed eyes. "Don't call me that." She snapped.

"You have to let this go." He shook his head.

"Let it go?" Her voice was rising again. "Let go the hurt that you caused me?"

"Yes!"

"It's not exactly easy Jesse!" She was shouting now, standing up and advancing on him slowly. "I warned you! I told you that if you hurt me, I would carry it with me forever! And now I am!"

"Rachel-"

"No!" She cut through him, her hair a mess, hanging chaotically around her face, her hands balled into furious fists at her sides, as her eyes burned and she stood before him in her pale pink pyjamas. "No- this is your fault- it's your fault that I'm like this- so… so damn broken!"

He opened his mouth to reply but a tear ran down her cheek and she shouted.

"Get out Jesse!"

"Rachel, I'm not-"

"Get out of my house- you liar!" Her voice broke on the last word as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Fine!" He was yelling too now, as she followed him down the stairs. "Fine, I'll leave. But this is not my fault!" Turning at the bottom of the stairs, he confronted her. "You loved him, even when we were together." She opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head, silencing her as he continued. "Don't lie to me, I could see it in you. Every time you looked at him, you would wish you were with him instead! You lied just as much as me, Rachel Berry."

"No, I didn't…" Her objection was weak and he stopped in the doorway, saying, softly.

"And, do you know what? You were the first time. In that parking lot, with the egg in my hand, you were the first time I ever told anybody I loved them." She gazed at him, her eyes widening as a tear ran down his cheek. He made no move to brush it off. "Not my parents, not my other girlfriends. Just you."

Turning, he went to pull open the door, but stopped when he heard her voice. Faint, almost a whisper in the background.

"I saw them together. Him and Santana."

Turning, Jesse watched as Rachel's mask fell away and almost flinched at the pain showing in her eyes. Her expression twisted as the tears began to torrent down her cheeks with even more severity than before. Her chest heaved into a sob and she grabbed hold of the banister, sinking down to sit on the stair and he moved slowly up to sit beside her, putting a tentative arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him as she sobbed.

Slowly he rubbed her back, kissing her gently on the top of her head as her heartbreaking sobs cracked and stuttered from her throat.

Gently, he pulled her up, half carrying her back up the stairs and into her room. Carefully, he sat her on her bed, wrapping her in her comforter and sitting beside her, holding her as she cried herself out. When she had finally been worn down to only a few random sobs and slow hiccoughs, he leant forward and passed her the remaining glass of water and few pills, sitting back and retracting his arms from around her as he watched her swallow them gratefully.

"Better?" He asked finally.

She nodded weakly, sniffing a little and he pulled out his handkerchief, passing it towards her and letting her blow her nose.

She tried to hand it back to him and he shook his head.

"You keep it," He told her gently.

She nodded again and balled it up in her fist.

Then she spoke, her voice hoarse.

"Thank you. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." He replied, sighing. Out of the heat of the moment, it all seemed pretty stupid- what they had been arguing about.

"Truce?" She offered him a weak smile.

"Truce." He agreed, smiling. They sat in silence for a while until Jesse, hating to break the comfortable atmosphere, but unable to find another way to phrase it, said softly.

"So, you saw them together?"

She cringed at the reminder and then nodded, taking a deep, slightly shuddering breath as she answered. "Yeah, they were… At the fountain."

He sighed and pulled her into a hug again, trying to hide his elation when she didn't resist.

"He's not worth it." He whispered softly in her ear.

"But why don't any of them like me?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Who?" He asked, gently, still hugging her.

"The Glee club," She admitted slowly.

"The Glee club?" His tone made it obvious that he didn't understand.

"They hate me." She whispered finally.

He squeezed her tightly, his heart twisting at the anguish in her voice. "No they don't…"

"They do," She insisted into his shirt. "No one at that school even likes me."

"Of course they do." He shook his head, even though she couldn't see him.

"They don't," She was starting to sound more and more hysterical. "They hat me, all of them. Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, Mike, Artie… All of them."

"What about Mr Shue?"

She snorted. "He doesn't care. He hates me too. He doesn't appreciate me and constantly tells me I'm being too selfish, I'm not a team player, he doesn't even listen o me any more…"

He could feel the sobs rising in her again and pulled her closer, shutting his eyes as he tried to push away the anger he could feel bubbling within him. How could they do this, to a girl such as Rachel?

"Rache, they are so not worth this. They don't know anything. You'll be a star one day- remember?" He smiled a little, confidence at this fact streaming through him.

So he was surprised when he felt her begin to sob again and asked, slightly alarmed. "Rache, what's wrong?"

Pulling herself away from him, she sniffled a little again, before asking, her voice quiet. "What if I'm not a star Jesse? What if I'm just a washed up dreamer?"

He was frozen in shock for a moment, staring at her as he tried to find the way to make his mouth close. His eyes were wide, boring into her and she eventually turned away, not wanting to look at him any longer, her face flushing.

That was what snapped Jesse out of it. Blushing was for people who were nervous, insecure. And Rachel Berry was far from insecure.

"Come on." He pulled her from the bed, holding her hand tightly as he led her down the stairs.

"Jesse," She protested weakly. "What are you doing?"

He didn't reply and pulled her down the steps that he remembered led to the basement. Flicking the light on, he peered around. It wasn't hard to find the box of Rachel's baby stuff. Despite the random junk that seemed to fill the basement, everything was perfectly ordered. It was easy to see where Rachel got it.

He pulled her over towards the boxes, piled upon each other. Looking past them, his eyes landed on the old, glass cabinet that sat behind them, a white, slightly peeling label stuck in the top left hand corner of the door. Written on it, in curling script were the words: '_Rachel's Trophies 0-9 years'_.

"Count them." He ordered, stepping out of the way for her.

"What?" She frowned, confused.

"Go on," He insisted gently.

"Okay," She was still confused, but she dragged her gaze reluctantly from him and he watched as she counted, smiling as he spotted her mouthing the numbers to herself.

"Well, how many?" He asked , finally.

"23." She replied, sighing and continuing. "I know what you're doing-"

He pressed a gentle finger to her lips, silencing her gently. "No talking yet."

She sighed, but let him lead her up the stairs and into the living room, stepping back in the doorway and motioning to the room.

"Go for it."

Obediently, she counted once again and replied.

"9."

They repeated this for each room in the house, Jesse even going so far as to start writing the numbers down in his phone when they got to the second floor.

"Okay," He said, once they were back in her room. "So, that adds up to 54."

He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. "Did you hear me? You're a junior in high school and you've won 54 awards for singing."

"But Jesse," She replied, pulling a fleece on over her pyjamas. "These are only small awards. They don't mean anything. I'm not like you- I haven't won Nationals."

He looked at her for a long moment, thoughtfully, before taking her hands in his and saying, his voice so sincere that she couldn't help but believe him. "Well I'm Jesse St James and I sure as hell am talented. So you just remember that I'm Jesse St James and I think that you, Rachel Berry, are absolutely incredible."

She looked up at him for a minute or so, before launching herself into his arms, hugging him close and smiling when he hugged her back just as tightly.

They embraced for a long moment and then she leaned up on her toes, whispering in his ear as she said. "Thank you Jesse."

"Anytime." He replied and then asked. "Where's your phone?"

Frowning a little she leaned back and handed over the small, glittering pink device. Flipping it open he pressed a few buttons, tapping something in before handing it back to her.

"Now you can talk to me whenever."

She was horrified to feel the tears pooling in her eyes again and sniffed violently to try and stifle them. She was reminded, suddenly, of the weeks it had taken before Finn finally, reluctantly, handed over his number.

Sensing her mood, Jesse changed the subject quickly. "So, which should we watch, Funny Girl, or Singing in the Rain?"

She laughed a little and hugged him close, smiling as he led her downstairs, closing her eyes as she relaxed slightly.

This was the best she had felt in a long time.

**xxx**

**Okay, another chapter out there. :) **

**Bit of angst- which of course, I love. **

**Funny story about this story. I was in the gym, having a training session (something has to make up for all those days I sit in front of the computer screen typing and eating chocolate!) and I suddenly got a flash of inspiration about this story and I had the next few chapters planned out. I desperately needed to write it down, but I was in the middle of training, so obviously I couldn't. So I had to keep on repeating it to myself so I wouldn't forget, until, half an hour later, the session ended and I was able to stand and scribble down my inspiration. **

**Again, my beta has disappeared off the online world, but I want to get this out there. One day these chapters will be betaed by someone other than me, I promise. **

**Please review!**

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**Love**

**Ray **

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**I am so sorry for the long wait guys! Please don't hate me and review… pretty please?**

**xxx**

When Rachel woke up the next morning, she sat up very quickly, blanching as a wave of vertigo hit her, making her head spin. She glanced around wildly, remembering that he ha come, but unable to remember him leaving. Surely he couldn't be here? Her dads must be home by now and she could only guess what they would say if they saw that Jesse St James had once more materialized from the mists.

Her eyes landed on a yellow piece of paper, obviously torn from a note book, sitting on the pillow beside her.

Grabbing it in her hands a little too eagerly, she read through the neat script.

_Rachel_

_You fell_

_After you fell asleep you got a text from your dads, saying they'd be home soon. I didn't think they'd much appreciate seeing me again, so I carried you up to your room and left. _

_I hope that's okay._

_I'll see you_

_I'll call you._

_I hope we can meet again soon._

_J St J_

_X_

He had scored out a few lines and she could only assume that was where he hadn't been able to decide what to put. Setting the paper aside, she tried to quell the bout of disappointment that welled within her. She would not be disappointed that her ex-boyfriend wasn't at her house.

No way.

Sighing, she got up more slowly this time, glad to find that the vertigo had passed.

It was the first day of school.

That meant she would have to face Finn and Santana again.

Sighing, she padded over towards her closet and pulled open the door, gazing at it, waiting for inspiration to hit. There was nothing new, nothing different. Shaking her head, she pulled out a blue skirt with a bow on the side and a pink cardigan. She would make it through today.

Brushing her hair back, she pulled on some long dark blue socks, slipped her flats on and looked in the mirror. She looked just the same as she always did. And nothing had changed, not really. Sure, she didn't have a boyfriend and she had randomly got involved in who knew what kind of a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, who had trampled over her heart. But that was her business. And anyway, she could do what she wanted now. She was a free independent woman who didn't have Finn Hudson holding her back.

Smiling with her new find resolve, Rachel grabbed her bag and headed out of the door.

Xxx

By the time she got to school, her resolve was fading. She felt practically invisible as she walked to her locker, cringing as a pair of jocks bashed her shoulder hard as she went past, causing her to almost loose her grip on her folder. Shaking her hair forward to hide the blush she felt emerging on her face, she hurried forward, ignoring their laughter and quashing the urge to go back and confront them.

Arriving at her locker, she clicked through the combination and shoved her books in, emptying her bag quickly.

There was a weight pressing down on her, making it almost hard to breathe and she took a large, self conscious gulp of air.

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she tried to shrug off the feeling and made her way to her first class, managing to avoid the taunting football players and catty cheerleaders. Sitting in her seat in the front left corner of the classroom she hunched down in her seat, trying to make herself as small as possible when she heard the jocks enter, laughing loudly and jovially.

She kept her head bent over her work throughout the lesson, ignoring their calls and shaking off the pieces of paper and spit balls they flicked at her. When the bell rang she left the room quickly, brushing past them and into the ladies room, locking herself in the stalls and checking her sparse make up before leaving and going quickly to her next lesson.

U.S History.

One of the only lessons she shared with Finn.

Hugging her book closer to her she started to drag her feet as she came closer to the classroom. It was ludicrous that she should feel so uncomfortable when it came to Finn, but she couldn't help it. He had caused her such heartbreak, such humiliation. It was exactly as she'd always told Jesse. She would carry that kind of pain with her forever and she could already feel his actions creating numerous scars in her heart.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door in front of her and took a step forward into the classroom. There was Finn. And beside him, sat Santana, in Rachel's old seat. Almost as if she could sense her discomfort, Santana turned to look at Rachel, her eyes narrowing into slits. She didn't say anything however, as the teacher, Mr Jones, swept in behind Rachel, instructing her to take a seat.

Rachel did so obediently, sitting behind the couple, in an empty seat at the back.

There were advantages to being behind them. For one thing, she didn't feel like her every action was being watched and criticised. However, she did have to watch every single thing they did. She had to suppress a whimper of pain when Santana ran her hand dangerously close down Finn's thigh and reached up to whisper something in his ear, kissing his earlobe softly.

Rachel kept her eyes firmly on her work, refusing to speak throughout the lesson unless asked a direct question and barely then.

It was a relief to hear the shrill ringing of the bell pierce through Mr Jones' droning voice and she packed up her bag and was out of the door before he hastily told them their homework assignment.

"Hey, Man hands!"

She could hear Santana calling her down the hallway as she hurried away, going towards her locker and stopping to unload her bag quickly. Pushing her locker shut, she almost jumped when she saw Santana stood in front of her in her Cheerios uniform, her hands on her hips.

"I was talking to you man hands."

Rachel slung her bag over her shoulder, breathing deeply and facing her. "What do you want?" She was grateful that her unusually quiet voice didn't crack.

A smirk appeared on her face and she seemed to glance behind Rachel, flicking her pony tail and saying. "Nothing now," Before turning and walking away.

Rachel released a shuddering breath and closed her eyes for a second, trying to push in her tears. Turning, she started to walk, but was stopped in her tracks as two freezing cold slushies assaulted her. Around her she could hear the laughter of the students lining the hallways. Shakes started to over come her and she breathed shuddering breaths, counting her steps as she moved towards her locker, pulling out her spare clothes and tucking them under her arm as she hurried away from the jeering crowd into the safety of the bathroom.

It was, fortunately, empty and she changed in a stall, folding up her clothes before turning to look at herself in the mirror.

The sight of her face, covered in sticky, sugary liquid, a few frozen lumps still stuck in her hair, was what made her crack.

A tear rolled down her cheek and once they started they never seemed to stop, pouring down her cheeks in a never ending torrent of pain. Her body began to shake and convulse with sobs and she sank to the floor, resting her back against the wall and pulling her legs up to her face, resting her forehead on her knees as silent tears made her body twist and splutter. Pain ripped through her and she sobbed audibly.

A buzzing on her phone distracted her, pulling her from her sorrow.

A simple text, made up of only two words and yet it seemed that they were just the two that she needed. How did he know, when no one else did, when there was no way he could have seen what just occurred? How could he tell when she was at her lowest?

It read simply:

_Stay strong._

Xxx

She made her way slowly to Glee club, once she had cleaned herself up from her crying fit. She was late, she knew, but she hoped that Mr Schue would be kind, would somehow sense the pain in her, just as he had, and not draw any unwanted attention.

No such luck.

"Rachel," He chastised her as she pushed the door to the choir room open. "Why are you so late?"

"I… had to go to the bathroom sir," She muttered, quietly and cringed as she heard a series of titters through the room.

Mr Schue seemed completely out of it though as he snapped, unreasonably angry.

"Honestly Rachel, I thought you were dedicated to this? If you aren't dedicated enough to arrive on time, how will we ever win Nationals? Is that not what you want?"

"Yeah Rachel," Rachel cringed as she heard Santana's catty drawl from somewhere right of her. "Isn't that what you want? Why are you so selfish?"

She hurried to her seat, even as Mr Schue continued to chastise her.

"I mean, I realise you have your own problems Rachel, but you have to think about the team. You know, that's what I sometimes worry about you- you're not a team player."

Rachel bit back her retort, instead choosing to keep her opinions to herself. It would do no good to antagonise them all further now, only to face more criticism.

Mr Schue took a breath and turned away and Rachel relaxed, glad to know that he was done with her for the day.

Pulling out her phone from her bag, she re-read Jesse's text, glad for the slight comfort it brought. Glancing up, she noticed Mr Schue was busy talking the Mercedes and replied quickly.

_Thank you._

Putting the phone back she hoped he would understand what she meant.

Slipping her hand into her pocket, she fingered the handkerchief that was still residing their and fingered the embroidery in the corner where she knew instinctively were the letter _J St J._

Xxx

A few minutes later, the Glee club had moved into the auditorium and Rachel stood at the back, swaying a little when everyone else did, singing half heartedly in the background as Finn stood before them, belting out a mediocre version of yet another eighties failure that Mr Schue had decided to try and revive.

It wasn't common for Rachel to be half hearted about anything, even more so, singing. After all, her dad's had always taught her that there were no small roles, only small actors.

But now… she really couldn't muster up the energy to be enthusiastic. Even her show face had slipped and she didn't care enough to try and put it back in place.

In truth, her thoughts were wandering to Jesse. What was he doing back here? Had she done the right thing by letting him stay… by texting him back? All these little things she had done, would he get the wrong impression? She hadn't decided yet whether she actually had forgiven him, but she knew that she didn't hate him anymore.

"Rachel!" Her name being called snapped her from her reverie and she realised with surprise that she had stopped swaying and had been reduced to murmuring incoherently (in tune of course).

"Sorry," She muttered, looking away and waiting until Finn began his rendition once more, to start singing softly with the people around her.

She wouldn't think about this now, she would try and focus on Glee club instead.

Only moments later however, she heard the unmistakable sound of her phone ringing in her bag.

Ignoring Mr Schue's shouting and the irritated grumbling from around her, she slipped off the stage and fumbled inside her bag until she found the ringing device.

"Hello?" She asked breathlessly, listening as Mr Schue said, faintly in the back ground.

"Rachel, get back here!"

"Rachel?" Jesse's voice worried, anxious.

"O-Oh, hi…" She stumbled over her words as Mr Schue spoke again, loudly.

"Well, I suppose we can take a few minutes break. Obviously Rachel's social life is too important to her."

She cringed at that, moving further back into the auditorium, before sitting down in a seat when she thought she was probably far enough away.

"You're in the middle of rehearsal. I'm sorry."

He was so very sincere that Rachel was lost in his voice for a moment, before replying, wearily.

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"Are they giving you a hard time?"

How could he know so quickly? She had barely said anything and yet he understood immediately why she didn't sound herself. It was hard to ignore the underlying anger in his tone.

"Kinda, don't worry about it."

There was a brooding silence on the other end of the phone line and she realised that he probably had a few things that he would very much like to say about Glee club, but that he kept them to himself for her sake.

"Remember Rache, 54."

She smiled a little at the reminder. "I won't forget, don't worry."

"Rachel!" She looked down at the stage to see the Glee club gathering on the stage, and Mr Schue looking up at her, his hands on his hips.

She sighed and then smiled again when she heard Jesse grumble a little on the other end of the line.

"Don't worry," she repeated. "I'd better go."

"Okay, remember, 54."

"I will," She promised, starting down the steps towards Mr Schue.

"See you soon Rache,"

"I-" she started to speak, but then bit her lip. Saying 'I really hope so' would definitely give him the wrong idea. "Sure," She amended quickly. "Bye." Flipping the phone shut, she slipped it in her bag and straightened her shoulders as she approached Mr Schuster.

"Who exactly is worth disturbing our rehearsal for Rachel?" He frowned at her and she wondered when Mr Schue had begun to hate her so much.

'_Remember Rache, 54.' _His words echoed through her head and she raised her head to look him in the eyes.

"_Not_ that it's any of your business Mr Schue, but I was confirming plans with… my dads."

She wasn't exactly keeping Jesse a secret, but she was sure that no one in the Glee club would take it well if they discovered she was conversing once again with the guy that they considered responsible for their loss at Regionals last year. They would probably use it as some kind of excuse to kick her out of the Glee club… after all, they had last time.

Her head dropping again, she put down her bag and went to her place at the back of the group. Looking straight out, past Finn, she began singing again and the moment that Mr Schue called the rehearsal to an end, she left before any of them had time to start in on her again.

Xxx

The drive home seemed to last longer than normal, as Rachel mulled to herself. The insults that were thrown at her were usually easy to shrug off and push away- pretend they never happened. But Rachel was starting to find it increasingly difficult to ignore the people around her. Despite the number _54_ that bounced around her head, she could feel a dull ache, an ache that she had been unaware of until now. It was forming inside her, growing with each insult, each harsh word and scathing glance thrown her way. It always amazed her that people could be so cruel, so stuck in their own ways that somebody different deserved only to be ridiculed, have their dreams quashed and destroyed until they were just one of the crowd. The ache within her grew a little as she remembered the little things, the bags thrown into her shoulder, the harsh pushes and shoves as people passed her. Each one of them seemed to cut away at her, little by little.

She realised with a jolt that the ache had been residing within her since Christmas, building, eating away at her like a cancer, but that she only noticed it now because yesterday night… it had disappeared. When she was around Jesse, the ache lessened. She had no idea whether it was that he was a distraction from it, or whether it was his actions last night, how he had cared for her, held her in his arms as she sobbed, that acted as pain killer.

She could really have done with him around now. The pain was almost heavy, like it was weighing her down, pushing her down into herself.

Pulling up outside her house, she grabbed her bag and took a deep breath, thankful that her dads were working late, so she wouldn't need to put up her show face for a few hours yet.

It was dark already, but she saw him immediately, a gasp catching in her throat when she spotted him, leaning back against his car and watching her. He held out his arms and she stumbled forward, dropping her bag to the floor and almost falling into his arms, sighing in contentment as she felt the ache lessen. Dulling and fading until it was barely there and a sob broke through her throat as she squeezed him tightly and he held her closer, whispering three gentle words it her ear.

"_Let it out_,"

And then the tears came, streaming down her face and soaking into his jacket… and she felt the pain, if only temporarily, disappear.

**Xxx**

**I can kind of sympathise with Rachel here- not on her major scale, obviously, but the other day this girl I kind of know turned around and just shoved me out of the way in my English lesson. I have absolutely no idea why she did it, or what her problem was, but I immediately thought of Rachel and sympathised. However, the funny bit was when and friend of mine jumped up and had a go at her and made her apologise to me… which was kind of funny to me.**

**I had one of those days the other day when you feel like the whole world is against you, so some of my angst and anger was channelled into this story… sorry 'bout that. I'm fine again now. :) **

**Anyway. Sorry again for the long wait! I have been so darn busy recently, school is killing me and I've recently had a flash of inspiration on one of my other stories. **

**So, please review, they are like gold dust… or pixie dust, whichever means the most to you.**

**I'll try and update again soon!**

**Love**

**Ray**

**Xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**xxx**

It was hard for her to convince herself to get up the next morning. She wanted nothing more than to bury herself in her comforter and watch Barbra movies all day. But, as Jesse had said the night before, Barbra never ran away and neither would Rachel.

So she reluctantly heaved herself from her room and into school. It had been good seeing Jesse last night, she mused quietly in her car as she drove. He had been there when she really needed him. After a little probing from Jesse she had finally spilt what had happened to her that day at school. He had sighed deeply and wrapped her in a hug, pulling her close to him and soothing her gently.

"You are so much better than them Rache." He had finally whispered in her ear.

She barely remembered when, later on in the night, she had asked drowsily. "Jesse, you aren't doing this to get back together with me are you?"

There had been a long silence until he finally answered. "You need a friend Rache. I'm that friend."

Well, she couldn't dispute that.

It had been nice, spending time with him again. It hadn't been like last time, when they had shouted and screamed, or the times before that, when he had purposefully charmed her out of thinking straight. They had just sat and talked, almost like they had done before… It had been comfortable and relaxed as they had curled up together and watched a Barbra marathon.

Rachel sighed and shook her head. It was silly to think like this… after all, it was Jesse! He was her friend, nothing more and God knew that not many normal people obsessed over their friends on their way to school.

Pulling into the parking lot she sat in her car for a moment, tapping her fingers absently to the beat of the song playing on her iPod. Staring out of her windscreen and at the almost empty lot, she considered her options. If she went in now, she would attract more attention to herself, but if she waited until later, there would be more of a chance of one of the jocks catching up with her. Shaking her head at herself again, Rachel unplugged her iPod. The iPod Touch had been a gift from her dads for her last birthday and she couldn't survive without it. The large memory made it possible for her to fit all of her music selection on it and she couldn't go a day without listening to music. Tucking it securely inside her bag, she zipped it up quickly and made her decision.

Clambering out of her car, she looked around warily, prepared for any kind of attack. None came. No one looked her way as she walked hurriedly across the lot and into the school building. Once inside she dropped her books and iPod off at her locker, sighing when she saw the new insult that had been scribbled on the front in black marker pen. She would have to find the janitor and beg for something to clean it off with again and then find a time to scrub at it. Surely Santana would get a kick out of knowing that she was being forced to clean her locker once more.

Manoeuvring her way safely into her first classroom, she settled herself down in her seat and brought out her Patti LuPone memoirs, burying herself in her book. So enthralling was she that she didn't realise that the door had opened until she heard heavy footsteps and sensed a presence behind her. Jumping, she turned and looked at Puck, frowning.

"Noah?"

"What you doing?" He frowned and leant further over her.

"Reading." She watched his every move, her heart beating ferociously.

"What?"

"Patti LuPone's memoirs."

He frowned at her for a second and then replied. "Am I supposed to know who that chick is?"

"Probably not." She sighed, looking him over once more, before turning back to her book.

"So, listen," She looked up again, curious at the sound of his awkward voice. "I wanted to check you're okay."

"I'm fine," She managed to stutter out, her shock silencing her for a moment.

"Then why did you practically bust a gut running in here?" He frowned and leant closer to her.

"I… just wanted to get inside." She responded, looking down at her book again and hoping he'd drop it and leave her alone.

"You're scared of Santana and that lot." It wasn't a question.

It would do no good to object, but she did anyway, slamming her book shut and turning to scowl at him as she said. "I am not _scared_ of anyone."

He studied her for a moment and then said, finally. "Look, I don't ever make out I'm any good at all this feelings crap, but I can tell when girl's are upset. And you're way more than upset."

"I just don't particularly feel like getting on the wrong side of Santana today Noah. I'm not up for another fight."

"You, not up for a fight? _Come on_ Rache, you're always up for a fight."

"I just can't be bothered to risk straining my voice and therefore jeopardising my talent for Santana." There was a creak as the door swung open and a group of giggling girls piled in. A bunch of testosterone driven jocks entered behind them and Rachel sighed, lowering her voice a little. "You should probably go, you don't want to be caught sitting with me."

Puck frowned at her for another long moment and then turned as a friend clapped him on the shoulder, talking loudly as he turned away from Rachel.

Shuffling down in her seat she tried to make herself as small as possible, slumping forward. She would try to make it through the day without incident.

Just one day at a time.

Xxx

It was pretty ridiculous to think that Santana would just let her get through the day without being hassled, what with the spectacle she'd made of herself at Glee club the day before.

But she had dared to hope.

It seemed that Santana had got most of the school on her side, because, as Rachel walked to her locker after her first class, one of the larger jocks slammed into her roughly and she staggered a little, frowning at him, before making it to her locker.

As she pulled her books out of her bag she mused over the gossip that she had heard in class. Normally she didn't listen to the giggling girls behind her, too much of their gossip was about her, but when she had heard Finn's name her ears had perked up and she had stopped writing to listen.

"Did you hear about Finn and Santana?" One girl whispered.

"No, what happened?" The second girl, a rather squeaky sounding girl replied, curiosity painting her tone.

"They split up," The first girl told her; smug in the knowledge that she had obtained this information first.

Rachel's ears pricked further and she strained to hear what the girls would say next.

"No way," The squeaky girl hissed.

"Yeah," Her friend replied, still smug. "Finn didn't really say why, I heard it was something to do with him not wanting a relationship at the moment."

There was a slight moment of hesitation and then the second girl whispered something, her voice extremely quiet. But Rachel's elite hearing still picked it up.

"Who can blame him, after his last experience was with that Rachel Berry? What a nutcase."

Rachel slammed her locker shut, bringing her binder up to her chest and hugging it tightly. What the girls had said about her didn't bother her in the slightest, but the information on Finn, was very interesting. So he and Santana had split up? She wasn't surprised. And he had claimed he didn't want a relationship? Well it was obvious; he was still pining for Rachel! If only she could think up a way to get him to understand that she had forgiven him…

Frowning in thought she didn't look up until she saw three pairs of sneaker clad feet appear before her. The anxiety flooded through her and she looked up slowly to see the three cheerleaders, all clutching slushies and laughing already, despite the fact that they had yet to throw the drinks. She only just shut her eyes in time.

Sighing inwardly as the sticky liquid dripped down her pale shirt, she hurried through the laughing crowds and into the bathrooms, beginning the ever tiring process of washing away the slushie.

Xxx

A few hours later, at Glee club during lunch hour, Rachel stopped Finn. He seemed oddly towering, in his football shirt that reminded her of unwanted memories of the jocks, and he was obviously very uncomfortable.

"Finn," She spoke quite softly, trying not to attract any unwanted attention. "Will you meet me in the auditorium in a few minutes?"

He frowned, looking down at her and opening his mouth to reply.

"Please?"

He seemed to crumple and nodded slowly. "Fine."

She turned away, nodding swiftly and waited for a couple of moments, before making her way to the auditorium.

She was already singing when he came in and, as with anyone who ever walked in on her singing, he was entranced enough to be frozen in place.

"_Can it be that time was so simple then?"_

It wasn't hard for her to sing this. She had watched the movie with Jesse the night before and played the song on repeat so many times right after Sectionals that it felt as if the songs were embedded into her memory. There was no way she'd admit to Finn that she had also played the song on repeat after a certain curly haired boy had cruelly left her life.

"_The way we were…"_

Looking up at where the quarterback was stood, she tried to blink the tears from her eyes. She would not cry in front of him.

"Finn, you came." The words were spoken softly and with reverence.

He nodded silently and moved a few steps closer to her, his brows furrowing in anxious confusion.

"What do you want Rachel?"

She hurried down the steps and met him halfway up the aisle between the plush seats. "I-I heard you and Santana had split up," She glanced away. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," He replied, bitterly and she looked up frowning a little, before answering.

"Okay, I'm not sorry. You two were never meant to be together Finn! It was always me and you- Finchel."

His expression twisted into a scowl as she spoke and he shook his head, turning away from her, before saying, his voice rough. "You're so naïve." He span back around and she stumbled backwards, away from his intense anger. "You think that all you have to do is sing some song and all the hurt will go away. All the pain, all the _betrayal_."

She flinched at the last word before saying, her tone frantic. "Finn, I never meant to do that, it was a mistake and I'm _sorry_."

"Yeah right." He scoffed, his eyes flaring ferociously. "You're not sorry Rachel. I don't even know why I'm here, you're just some loser with too much to say."

"Finn?" She stumbled forward a little, tears springing to her eyes and her stomach twisting as if she was about to be sick.

"Get away from me." He spat. "Leave me alone."

Turning, he hurried away, not sparing her another glance.

Rachel tried to breathe deeply, to see through the haze of anger and pain that threatened to pull her under. She fought against the rising pressure in her chest and clung onto the back of the seat beside her taking long, shuddering breaths.

Slowly, almost without knowing what she was doing, she walked from the room, her eyes downcast as she made her way to her locker, pulling out her book on auto drive, never looking up from the sight of her patent leather shoes.

She was… empty. She had always been able to ignore the name calling and jeering that came from the rest of the school. She had always thought that they were uneducated ignoramuses and knew that, whilst they were stuck in their dead end jobs after graduating high school, she would be on Broadway, making a name for herself.

But… if Finn thought the same as them, maybe she was wrong. Maybe she really was just some loser with an over inflated ego and too much to say. She could feel her walls crashing down around her, the reasons she had used to stay strong and full of life crashing to the ground of she struggled to stay calm.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't notice the large jock until she had walked into him.

Looking up slowly, she cringed when she heard him say.

"Hey watch it- oh wait, it's the little gleek girl."

Rachel sighed inwardly as she met the cruel eyes of Azimio. He was looking at her as if he wanted to crush her and she shivered at the hatred in his dark eyes.

She tried to sidestep around him, but he grabbed her arm, swinging her around to look at him.

"Now, now little lady, where you running off to so quickly?" He turned and called. "Hey Karofsky!"

_Please no_, Rachel thought to herself, pulling her arm from his grip and turning to walk away, finding herself cornered by Karofsky.

"Let me through." She demanded, quietly.

"Where you going so fast?" Karofsky asked, taking a step closer and forcing Rachel to move backwards, away from him, her back colliding with the wall.

"Get away from me." She commanded.

"Or what little girl?" Karofsky was leering now, obviously enjoying himself.

"Shame we don't have any slushies on us." Azimio added, smirking.

"You'll be hearing from my lawyer." She threatened, glaring at them.

"Oh, I'm so scared." Karofsky laughed aloud.

Shaking her head, she attempting to push through them again and yelped a little when she felt Karofsky's large hand wrap around her forearm as she struggled and he swung her away with such force that she stumbled over he feet, falling to the floor.

Around the, students were slowing, watching what was going on. No one was laughing as they usually did, despite the fact that they moved away as Karofsky and Azimio walked through them towards Rachel. The worry in the onlookers eyes made Rachel panic and she struggled away, backing herself towards a tower of lockers.

Tears oozed from her eyes as she watched the approaching football players. Surely they wouldn't beat her up, surely not? But the fear in the eyes of the spectators made her think otherwise.

"What should we do with the little gleek huh?" Karofsky's voice was menacing through the silent hallway and Rachel's thoughts suddenly flashed to Kurt. This was obviously why he had left. The fear of Karofsky was overwhelming, pulling her downwards.

Karofsky and Azimio were peering down at her and she cringed, flinching back for the first hit when she heard a loud voice echo through the corridors.

"What the hell?"

Blinking her eyes open again, she looked around Karofsky's raised fist and gasped as she spotted Mercedes and Puck walking down the corridor. Puck was a little in front of Mercedes and his eyes were blazing as he stormed forward.

"What the hell?" He repeated, his voice raised, making Rachel flinch back. "So what, you're beating up girls now?"

"She's a gleek man- she needs this." Azimio watched him, cautiously.

"Like hell she does." Puck threw the first punch and Rachel cringed away, scrambling to her feet and cringing away from the assisting hand on her arm.

Looking up, she saw Mercedes and frowned when she saw the pity reflected back at her in her gaze. Flinching, she pulled her arm roughly from Mercedes grip and ran blindly away from the fight that was breaking out, ignoring the calls for her to slow, or stop.

She was never sure how she made it to her car. Only that she did. Struggling with the door, she pulled it open finally and clambered in, her hands shaking as she tried to get the key in the ignition. There was fear. Such an awful fear that they would come back for her, once they were done with Puck and Mercedes. Her heart beating frantically in her chest, she finally managed to get the key in the ignition and started up her car, tears blinding her as she left the parking lot quickly.

It soon became obvious that it was dangerous for her to drive in her current condition and when she had been honked at for the third time she pulled up in a side road, her hands shaking as she managed to pull out her cell phone, calling the first number that came to mind.

"Hello?" His voice was relaxed, gentle and soothing.

"Jesse?" Was her reply, her voice scratching and catching against her throat as she tried to speak through her tears.

"Rache?" He asked, his voice suddenly alive, anxious. "What's wrong?"

"I-I…" She couldn't bring herself to say it and he asked, still worried.

"Where are you? Are you at school?"

"No… no I… I left the school… I just…"

"Where are you Rache?" His voice was more soothing now, calmer, despite the worried undertone she could hear.

Scanning her location, she read out the road signs she could see and he hung up with the words.

"I'm on my way."

It seemed like an age as she waited for him, trying to stop the shaking that overtook her body as she thought of the two football players. Sobs tore through her and she tried to maintain a small amount of sanity. She had to wait, just hang on until Jesse arrived.

When the familiar black Range Rover parked up beside her, she let that last piece of sanity slip away as he ran to her door, opening it and pulling her out and into the backseats, where she curled herself into him, crying silently, violent shudders wracking her body.

He soothed her, rubbing her back gently and whispering sweet, calming word in her ears as she cried. The curiosity was almost too much for him, but he managed to keep his questions inside as she continued to sob in his arms, obviously in no position to answer any questions.

Finally her sobs slowed and cleared and she sniffled slightly, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket and mopping at her face as she leant into him.

"I didn't realise that handkerchief would come in so handy." He said lightly and she blushed a little, smiling up at him.

"Thank you." It was obvious she was talking about more than the handkerchief and he was just as sincere when he replied.

"No problem."

They sat in a pleasant silence for a while until Jesse spoke, knowing his words would bring back the earlier tension, but unable to find another way to put it.

"What happened Rache?"

She was silent for another moment, before answering slowly. "I… I was at school and… Karofsky and Azimio, two football players… they cornered me… threw me to the ground…"

"They what?" Jesse interrupted, sharply, his eyes tight and angry.

"They threw me to the ground," She repeated, softly.

Jesse was silent then for a moment, but she could hear his teeth grinding together and presumed that he was trying to control his anger. It was kind of nice, in a way.

After a few minutes he said, slowly, his voice filled with barely concealed fury. "Did they hurt you in any other way?"

She shook her head. "No, Noah stopped them before they could."

"Puckerman?" His head whipped around to look at her.

"Yeah," Rachel nodded and then glanced away. "I… I couldn't stay there, I had to get away…"

His hand met her chin, pulled her face up gently and meeting her eyes with his. "You have nothing to be ashamed of." How could he tell how she was feeling immediately? "You are so brave Rache. Come on."

He clambered out and into the front of her car, the drivers seat and she followed curiously, sitting next to him and frowning as he started the engine.

"Where are we going?" She asked finally.

He hands were tight on the steering wheel, clenched so hard that his knuckles were turning white. His voice was strained again when he replied. "We're going to McKinley, so you can inform the school that you're transferring and I can go and kick those guys asses."

"No!" She cried and he let out a quick, heavy sigh of impatience, sliding to a stop at the side of the road and demanding.

"Why not?"

"I can't just leave," She reasoned, placing a soothing hand on his arm. "They would know that they scare me."

His teeth clenched together and when he spoke his voice was almost a growl. "I'm not having you in that school with them Rachel."

Her eyes sparked and she frowned, turning to him. "You don't have the rite to tell me that Jesse." Her voice was steely and hard.

They frowned at each other for a long moment and then Jesse looked away, sighing deeply. "Sorry," He murmured and Rachel's heart melted at his defeated voice. Reaching over, she placed her hand over his, turning it palm up and lacing her fingers with his.

"I forgive you." She seemed to say that a lot now and she continued. "Thank you though, for caring I mean."

He looked her straight in the eye.

"I'll always care."

Xxx

**Okay… heya guys, finally got some kind of plot line… I kind of know where this will go, but I'm a little lacking on the inspiration front, so you'll have to bear with me. **

**Okay, just gonna say, although I loved Puck's rendition of Fat Bottomed Girls, all the way through I was thinking about how it's Queen, so Jesse would have owned that song. Ah well, the door is always open for Jesse right now, because it seems we have a, temporary at least, death of Finchel. Obviously Puckleberry wont be getting back together, because Puck's infatuated with Lauren (pretty cute I think :) ) So it seems the only other option is Jesse. **

**Let's hope so anyway. **

**Rachel wont always come up against such abuse, I promise, I just need her to start off bad. It will get better, promise. I'm feeling pretty cruel whenever I write this story at the moment. **

**Right then, please review, or else I might stop writing :(**

**:) **

**Hope y'all enjoyed it.**

**Love**

**Ray**

**xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**xxx**

Jesse saw the change in Rachel gradually. It was easy to see, considering that he hadn't seen her in a long time. Her originally boisterous attitude, which had already wavered, was slowly sinking and fading away, leaving behind a quiet, mousy girl with amazing talent, but little confidence to showcase it.

She would come home, where, more than likely, Jesse would be waiting and she would be quieter than usual. If he questioned her about her day, she would shrug and answer with few words. It was rather unnerving and, as the date for his return to UCLA drew nearer Jesse worried more and more.

Which was why he found himself, sat in his room, his phone pressed to his ear, waiting, his heart in his mouth, as it rang.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Puckerman?" Jesse tried to keep his voice from shaking.

"Who is- wait a sec. St Jerk?"

Jesse smirked a little at the nickname, before replying, his tone slightly amused. "Hey there Puckerman."

"What the hell do you want?" Puck's voice was rising. "And how the hell did you get this number?"

"I found it on Rachel's cell."

"You've been talking to Rachel?" Puck's tone was low now, dangerously so and Jesse hurried to say.

"Look, Puck, I need to talk to you, it's really important. It's about Rachel."

"You actually think she'll take you back?" He scoffed.

"No," Jesse replied calmly, trying to keep the worry from his voice and failing. "No, it's nothing like that, look, will you just meet with me?"

Puckerman sighed heavily and was silent for a moment, before replying slowly. "Fine, Jerkface, but only because there are no hot chicks around for me to make out with and there's no way in hell, that I'm sitting down and actually doing my geometry. Meet me at Breadsticks in an hour."

The phone went dead.

Xxx

Puck was late, which didn't really surprise Jesse. He was grateful that the football player had agreed to meet him at all, and so sat at a small booth, tapping his fingers to some unknown beat and sipping from a tall glass of mineral water, watching the door.

Puck arrived a few minutes later, stopping to have a low conversation with the young waitress. Jesse's eyebrows rose as he watched Puck slip a hand around the girl's waist, making her blush and giggle. He coughed loudly and the waitress glanced over to him, blushing furiously, before shuffling away from Puck's reach.

Puck sighed and looked up to glare at Jesse.

Stomping over, he sat down with a huff, glowering as he snarled. "Now you're really not in my good books, St James."

Jesse looked at him, curious, for a moment, before replying. "She's three years older than you Pucklerman."

"And?" Puck shrugged. "Puckzilla can handle the older ladies." His brows furrowed. "So, what do you want? And what the hell are you doing around Berry again?"

"Comforting her. Being a friend."

Puck scoffed. "_Friend_, please, we're both guys, I know how freaking hot you find Berry. What do you really want?"

Jesse looked down for a moment, swirling his water around his glass, before speaking very slowly, choosing his words carefully. "I only want for her to be safe and happy, for now…"

"For now, huh? And why should I help you?"

"You must have noticed the change in her, Puckerman. Unless she changes her persona once she gets to school, it's pretty easy to spot. She told me how you stuck up for her a few days ago…? You must have seen how shaken up she's been since then?"

This time, Puck was quiet, and when he finally answered, his voice was quieter. "Yeah, I've noticed the change in Berry. She's been really affected recently, I mean, normally all that teasing and stuff just rolls off her, but now… you can tell it's getting her down." His hand tightened into fists. "I beat the crap out of Karofsky. Surprised you didn't have a go too."

"Don't tempt me." Jesse muttered through his teeth. "She doesn't want me to. I tried to get her to transfer, it isn't safe for her, but she wouldn't-"

"Wait, what do you mean, 'it isn't safe for her'." Puck cut through him.

"Well, you must have noticed Puckerman. Those two thugs think they can hit girls and it isn't like there's a stable emotional climate-"

"Okay, first, those two thugs won't be going near anyone if I have anything to do with it. And I'm here for her, I'm gonna make sure she's okay. I'm guessing Berry told you to get lost?"

Jesse sighed. "Good guess," He admitted.

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Look out for her. I mean, I've been taking care of her, for the past few days, but I have to go back to college soon. I can't look out for her as well from there."

Puck nodded, immediately. "Yeah, sure, I'll look out for her."

"Really?" Jesse looked up at him, trying not to betray his hope in his eyes.

"Let's take this conversation outside St James." Puck clambered up and out of his seat, leading Jesse out past the ditzy waitress and into the cold night air. Jesse chucked a few dollars on the table and followed.

They walked silently until they were out of the warm glow cast by the lights shining through the windows of Breadsticks and Puck stopped finally by a dingy lamppost, looking down at Jesse with a hard gaze.

Jesse had never really been scared of people. He could throw a good punch, if necessary, and most of the time he could talk his way out of trouble. But Puckerman was just _so big_.

"Listen St Jerk." He glowered down at Jesse, who crossed his arms and looked back, hoping that his knees weren't trembling.

"I'm listening."

"If you hurt Rache, in _any_ way, I promise you that I will break you like a twig. It won't just be your tires that get slashed."

Jesse swallowed audibly.

"Fair enough."

"I should probably beat the crap out of you right here, right now, you sure as hell deserve it."

Jesse nodded slowly and when he spoke his voice was low. "You would have every rite to, and I wouldn't try and stop you. Just… try and avoid my nose okay? Statistics prove that actors with crooked noses have 70 percent less chance of getting on Broadway."

Puck snorted and rolled his eyes. "Dear God, you and Rachel deserve each other." He shook his head and then his tone became sombre again. "But remember the state of your tires okay St James?"

Jesse nodded and Puck pushed past him, walking away and calling over his shoulder. "I'll keep you posted on Berry."

Jesse nodded to the darkness and sighed, running a nervous hand through his hair. What had he let himself in for?

**Xxx**

Kurt Hummel was enjoying life.

Being out of that hell hole, McKinley, was doing its job; Dalton was incredible, so much better than anything he could have ever imagined. It was almost strange to be in somewhere so accepting and enjoyable five days a week. Of course, he worried about his dad, but what was new there? And he often spoke to Mercedes on the phone, who seemed to speak less and less of McKinley and glee club.

He had to admit that he felt incredibly guilty leaving the Glee club and Mercedes. It felt as if he was skipping off the paradise while they were left fighting for survival each day. Never the less, things were good. He was certain that Blaine was starting to feel the same way for him, he noticed the other day that the boy actually _knew his coffee order_, and their glee club, if being a little stiff and uptight, were completely incredible. So life was going well.

Hitching his bag further onto his shoulder, he pushed his iPod headphones further into his ears, smiling as Idina Menzel's voice rang through his head. Continuing down the street he glanced up, frowning a little, he was sure that this street was familiar, although he couldn't put his finger on why.

Glancing to the right, he froze when he saw Berry at the door to a house, which he presumed was her own and hugging a curly haired figure dressed in black. Pulling away from her, he walked down towards a large black Range Rover sat on the drive and clambered in, backing out smoothly and starting down the ride, as Rachel waved a little, watching him go.

No way.

There was no way that the curly haired guy could be Jesse St James, the slimy douche who had egged Rachel the year before and cost them Regionals.

No way, she would never go near him.

And yet, that was definitely the slimeball in question, driving off down the road.

Kurt stood, staring open mouthed at Rachel, who was still stood in the doorway, watching the Range Rover disappear down the road. She turned and her eyes fastened on him, her body freezing in surprise as her eyes widened. Then she was turning in a flurry of reindeer sweater and pleated skirt to slam the door loudly.

Hurrying across the road and banging angrily on the door Kurt yelled out. "Rachel, get out here!"

There was no reply from inside and Kurt kept on banging on the door, yelling loudly. With a final threat ("If you don't get your ass out here Rachel, I'm gonna break the door down!") the door swung open and Rachel appeared, her hands on her hips, frowning at him and scolding, her voice hard.

"There's no need to make such a fuss Kurt."

"Can I come in?" He pushed past her without waiting for an answer and walked into her house, listening as she sighed and shut the door behind them.

"What do you want?" She asked, crossing her arms defensively across her chest and squaring her shoulders.

"What are you doing hanging out with St Douche?" Kurt asked, bluntly.

"That's none of your business."

"Tell me Rachel."

"No."

His eyes narrowed dangerously and when he spoke, his voice was soft. "I'm sure that New Directions will be so interested to hear about your sordid love affair."

She looked at him for a moment and then shrugged, her shoulders slumping forward. "Tell them about my purely platonic friendship with Jesse then. I'm sure that they really won't care." She walked past him and into the lounge, sitting heavily onto a sofa. He followed her, confused, watching as she sat down and rolled up her sleeves, going to switch the TV off mute. It seemed that she and Jesse had been watching some old film before he had left.

Kurt's eyes immediately zeroed in on the bruise forming on her arm, a purple colour that was stark and obvious against her pale skin.

"Rache… what the hell?" He breathed out, slowly.

Rachel looked down and flushed a little when she saw the bruise, pulling her sweater sleeve down again.

"Rachel?"

"Get out of here Kurt."

"No way." He sat down next to her, grabbing the remote from her hands and switching the TV off, forcing her to look at him. "You're gonna explain this to me."

"Why would I do that?" She spat back.

"Because if you don't I'm gonna have to try and get my information from somewhere else."

They stared at each other for a long moment, not looking away and finally Rachel cracked, looking away and pulling her arm from his grasp.

"I am seeing Jesse again. But we're only friends. It's nice… to have a friend."

"Rache," Kurt felt a wave of unusual pity towards the girl in front of him. "You can always talk to me, I mean, I know we're not on the best of terms, but at least I didn't throw eggs at you."

Rachel shrugged again. "We've worked through our differences Kurt."

"And the Glee club, what do they think of this sudden friendship?"

"They don't know," she admitted finally, glancing up at him.

"How the hell can they not know, you two aren't exactly sly and Jacob Ben Israel practically stalks you?"

Rachel shrugged again. "Jacob isn't so bothered anymore."

"What?" Kurt's jaw dropped, his eyes widening.

"Yeah," Rachel sighed and stared forward, avoiding his gaze. "The Glee club aren't so bothered any more either. I think they'd just be irritated that they'd have to loose one of their members and go through the trouble of finding some new people to replace me."

"Rachel!" Kurt came to sit beside her, forcing her to look at him again. "Seriously, you are like, the most talented girl in there! How can you say that?"

"How can _you_?" Any façade of sanity was ripped away as Rachel turned to him, her eyes blazing. "How can I say this so you'll understand Kurt? _They don't care_. They hate me, all of them, even Mr Schue, I haven't had a solo in weeks!"

There was a moment of silence as Rachel's breathing evened out again and then Kurt asked softly. "And the bruise?"

"Karofsky." Was all she said.

Kurt's eyes darkened and he scowled, his hands making small fists.

"What did he do?" When he spoke, his voice was tight and angry.

"Pushed me around a bit." She shrugged, "Cornered me, shoved me on the floor, shook me up a bit. Noah got there before they could do anything else."

Kurt growled low in his throat. "Are you hurt?"

"Not particularly." Rachel shrugged.

"How long ago was this?"

"About a week ago," Her brows furrowed a little in confusion as Kurt hissed angrily. "What?"

"Why didn't Finn say anything to me about this?"

Rachel glanced away. "Finn and I aren't on the best of terms."

"I gathered that." He looked at her and sighed heavily, when he spoke again, it was obvious he was trying to lighten the situation. "So, you and St James?"

"Yeah."

"Is it going anywhere or…?" He trailed off, watching her closely for her reply.

"No." She shook her head quickly. "No way. We're friends and that's all. He'll have to go back to UCLA soon and that'll probably be the last I hear from him."

The despair in her eyes was hard to take and Kurt placed a hesitant hand over hers. "Are you unhappy?" He asked finally, his voice soft.

She sighed heavily again and after a moment, replied. "I'll be okay. I'm resilient you know." She offered him a shadow of a smile.

"I know you are Rachel." He smiled sadly back and squeezed her hand lightly. "I'm here rache. Only a phone call away."

**Xxx**

It wasn't a surprise when Jesse told her that he had to leave again, but it still hurt. She drove out to the airport to see him, telling her dads that she was going to meet up with Kurt. They didn't talk much before her left, just held each other, embracing tightly as if they would never let go.

When Jesse felt her breathing begin to stagger a little beneath him, he pulled away gently and stroked his hand down her cheek, catching the tear before it could fall.

"Don't be sad." He begged softly and she tried a small smile.

"I really enjoyed seeing you Jesse."

"Hey," He coaxed her up to look at him again. "This isn't goodbye," he promised.

He heard the doubt in her silence.

"_Really _Rache. I'm just a call away, and I'm going to be calling a whole lot."

"When is your next break?" She asked gently.

"In a month or so, for about a week. I'll be down here immediately, I promise you that."

She smiled a little again and nodded and he pulled her closer, his heart breaking when the announcement for his flight came over the loud speakers. Pulling away a little he looked down at her silently for a moment, his eyes lingering on her lips as he tried to resist the urge to capture them with his. Her warm body shifted in his arms as she looked up at him.

"I guess… this is goodbye."

"No," He countered gently, his hand grazing her face gently. "It's a see you later."

She smiled and he noticed a faint twinkle of the old Rachel in her as she replied. "It's a date St James."

He smiled at her and pulled her closer for one last embrace before hurrying away. She watched him until he was out of sight, her arms already missing the feeling of him. Her cheek tingled where he had placed his large hand and she sighed softly, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.

She was on her own now.

**Xxx**

**And viola. **

**May I just say that I'll be upset if Rachel and Blaine become a couple. I love Klaine and St Berry. **

**Although, Darren and Lea's duet is the best song of the episode, closely followed by Tik Tok.**

**Looking forward to the return of Jesse, I'll keep my fingers crossed!**

**I was having a bit of a glee fest this morning and just sat there with the back nine episodes of season 1, fast forwarding to the bits with Jesse in them. It didn't really help, I just got really nostalgic. However, it spurred me to go and write this story, which is a good thing :).**

**Hmmm, me thinks seven or eight reviews before an update. :) **

**Review please, and I will update! Thank you for all the updates for the last chapter. **

**Love, as always.**

**Ray**

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

xxx

Rachel called Jesse a lot over the next few days. They talked animatedly about their day, staying on the phone for hours on end, sometimes not even talking, just sitting in silence, enjoying the knowledge that the other was their to talk if need be.

Jesse was glad to hear that Rachel was becoming closer to Kurt and Mercedes and tried to say as little as possible when she mentioned that Puck seemed to be acting strange.

She seemed, to him at least, to be getting better. She still talked about Finn to him not often, but when she did it was obvious how he still upset her.

Being back at UCLA was strange. His friends could see how he had changed but, after a few sharp comments from him, they stopped pressing him for answers, mostly at least.

He heard nothing from Puckerman and assumed that he had forgotten or didn't care enough to call. Either set Jesse's teeth on edge. So it was strange when, at three in the afternoon, Jesse picked up his cell to hear a familiar voice.

"St Jerk."

"Puckerman," Jesse leaned back in his chair, swivelling himself around absently with one foot as he tapping out a gentle rhythm on the table with his pencil. "How can I help?"

"Thought you might want to know some info on Berry."

"Oh?" He sat up a little, his tapping stopping abruptly. "What?"

"She's trying to get Finn back."

A low growl escaped Jesse as his brows creased together. "_Why?_"

"Beats me," Puck replied. "But I said I'd help her."

"You what?" Jesse exploded, sitting straight up.

"Whoa, jeez dude, calm down."

"What are you doing Puckerman?"

"I'm doing a duet with her, she's trying to make Finn jealous. Listen, it's not going to work, okay? I reckon Finn's completely over her now. The sooner she sees that, the sooner she'll move on."

"And you think that Finn will just reject her?"

"Hell yeah," Puck scoffed, "and I'm gonna try and get back in his good books by telling him that that song was all a plan, we need to start working as a team, we've got our Championship game coming up."

"You guys got through to Championship?" Jesse asked, with little interest, football bored him to tears.

"Yeah, but don't pretend like your interested in that St James, I know you, you hate football."

"True enough. What duet are you singing?" His voice had become a little darker again as he contemplated the pair singing together.

"Need You Now."

"Lady Antebellum? Really?"

"How the hell should I know? I'm just singing the song dude."

Jesse sighed. "Okay, well thanks Puck… listen, are you and Rache… you know?"

"Me and Berry?" Puck laughed, one short burst of laughter before replying. "No, I'm not hitting on your chick St James, I got my eye on another lady."

Jesse went to ask him who, but he was met by the dialling tone and he sighed, placing the phone down again.

So Rachel still wanted Finn, that was an interesting development, he had been sure that she had been over him when he had left her in Ohio a few days previously. That had obviously changed.

The banging of his door made him look up and he smiled a little when he spotted Johnny, his closest friend at UCLA marching into the room. In his hands were two steaming Starbucks cups, one of which he handed to Jesse and tucked under his arm was a paper bag.

"Here," He threw the bag on the table and sat heavily on his friends' bed, leaning back. "Bagels and black coffee. If I know you St James, and I do, you'll have been craving these for the past few hours, but won't have been bothered to get up and get them yourself. So consider me your knight in shining armour."

"Thanks, I'm honoured," Jesse smiled, inhaling the scent of the coffee gratefully and tearing into the bag, his smile widening. "Sesame seed?"

"Only the best," Johnny replied, grinning. "Chuck me one?"

"Don't get crumbs on the bed." Jesse ordered, passing him a bagel and turning in his chair to talk to him.

"So, time to spill, why have you been holing yourself up on your own ever since you got back from Ohio? I mean, I get it Jesse; the girls seriously dig your moody, sullen look, although I have no idea why. But seriously, you're starting to become downright unsociable. So tell me. Like now."

Jesse sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I saw Rachel in Ohio." He admitted finally.

Johnny's eyes widened and he sat forward, interested. "Really, like the Rachel? The Rachel who you have mentioned once and only once, that time we went out for Mark's birthday and you got completely hammered? You babbled about her for an hour straight and every time we've tried to ask you about her you've completely ignored us. That Rachel?"

"The very same." Jesse rolled his eyes.

"And? Tell me what happened."

"I found her crying. In a garden centre."

"Whoa," Johnny's eyebrows rose up. "Did _not_ see that one coming."

"Yeah, she was crying about her boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend I suppose, this complete douche-"

"That would be Finn," Jesse looked at him quizzically. "You talked about him too," Johnny explained. "It was mainly a lot of rambled rants about talent and jerkiness and hair, I seem to recall…"

"Oh, well yeah, that was Finn. They'd just had a messy break up. We… got talking and I helped her out of the funk she was in. The Glee club she's in does not appreciate her talent at all."

"And… what did she say, I mean, I know your break up was messy. Something to do with eggs and a person called Shelby…?"

"Shelby's Rachel's birth mother, she was also the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. She asked me to get close to her so that she could be introduced into Rachel's life. It was meant to just be an acting exercise but… I started to feel for her. Deeply."

"And what did you do?"

"Shelby threatened me with my scholarship, said she could take it away in a second. What else could I do? I egged her, she's a vegan so it really got to her. I completely destroyed her." Jesse's head slumped forward.

"Okay, so what when you went back?"

"At first she wanted nothing to do with me, but then, I don't know, we started to bond. I think we're friends."

"But…?"

"She's started trying to get the douche back again."

"Ouch, burn."

"I know right."

"She tell you this?"

"No, a friend of hers, Puckerman, he called me."

"You're talking to her friends?" His brows furrowed. "Wouldn't have thought that they'd want much to do with you, after… you know."

"He's been worrying about her too."

"Ah, makes sense."

"Yeah, but I'm still waiting on her, waiting for her to call. We're staying in contact."

"Well," Johnny sighed, draining his coffee. "You'd better stop being so mournful then, I mean…" The sharp ringing of Jesse's phone cut through him and Jesse dove across the table to snatch it up, saying, breathlessly.

"Hello?" He asked, ignoring Johnny's laughter behind him.

"Jesse?" Her voice was instantly recognisable and he felt a strange shock go through him, almost as if he'd been released of all of his earlier tension.

"Oh, hey Rache," He reached blindly next to him, grabbing a book from his desk and throwing it at Johnny, who dodged it effortlessly and grinned at him.

"Hey, who's with you?" She seemed curious.

"A friend of mine, he's just leaving," Jesse shot Johnny a purposeful glare and he raised both of his hands, backing away out of the door. "So, how are you?" He leant back in his chair and smiled to himself.

"Good, I'm good."

"And school?"

"Yeah it's fine."

"Got anything planned?"

"Jeesh, what's with the third degree? And yeah, I do actually."

"Sorry, what's your plan?" He knew exactly how she would answer.

"I'm going to get Finn back."

"Oh really?"

"Don't sound so surprised, yes, I have a plan to win him back, to show him that he regrets leaving me for _Santana_. I'm going to make him jealous by singing a duet with Puck?

"Oh, what duet?"

"Need You Now,"

"Interesting choice," He laughed.

"Glad you approve," She hesitated, "Do you approve of my motives?"

"You know I don't," He replied, sighing. "You know just what I think of Finn."

"Yeah," She sighed, "I know what you think."

"He isn't worth all this trouble."

"But there's no one else who is… so what am I supposed to do?" She replied softly.

He sighed a little again, knowing what she was talking about. "So then, I hear McKinley got into the Championship?"

She snorted. "Amazingly so."

He laughed with her and they fell into easy conversations, talking until it fell dark outside Jesse's windows.

**Xxx**

"I cannot believe it!"

He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he pushed himself up and frowned a little. "Rachel?" He asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

"I cannot believe it." She repeated her voice wild.

"What?"

"Oh- I'm sorry, it's late there isn't it?"

"Kind of, yeah, it's about…" He glanced at the clock and an involuntary groan slipped from his lips. "About four o'clock in the morning."

"Oh, I'm sorry, should I go?"

"No," He sat up slowly. "No, it's okay, what's happened?"

"Mr Shue had the football players in Glee."

"What?" He demanded, sat up straight in bed, his heart pounding.

"I know." He could hear the barely contained anger in her voice.

"Was Karofsky there?"

"Yes,"

"And he didn't-"

"No, he didn't hurt me,"

A sigh escaped him and he relaxed a little, before saying, finally. "Okay, you got me, I'm completely stumped. Why did Schue decide to pull this latest stunt?"

"To create unity," He could tell this she was talking through gritted teeth. "To try and get them to understand Glee club and work together as a team so they can win their _stupid football game_!"

"Okay… and what does that have to do with Glee club?"

"I have no idea."

"I'm guessing no one was that pleased?"

"No one but Shue, I swear he needs to get his head checked out or something."

"Most likely."

"The football team were furious, of course. And I made my views quite clear."

"Oh really?" He tried to keep the amusement from his voice.

"Yes, I told Shue that there was no way I was staying in the room with a _known homophobe_."

"Weren't you supposed to be singing with Puck today though?"

"Well, I still sang with Puck, because obviously nothing-"

"Gets in the way of a performance," He finished, "Obviously. How'd it go?"

"It never really got chance to."

He was silent, waiting for her to explain.

"There was a fight. At the end of the song one of the football players made a remark about Puck, Puck went after him. It descended into a full on riot."

He let a gasp of air slip between his clenched teeth, whistling lowly. "Never a dull day at McKinley." He remarked, dryly and she laughed.

"Thanks, I think, look, I'll let you sleep, you must be tired. Thanks… you know, for listening."

"Any time Rache," He answered softly.

"Sweet dreams," She laughed and then placed the phone down.

"Night," He spoke quietly and then sighed, ending the call, a frown marring his brows. Glancing up a missed message caught his attention.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he clicked open quickly.

_Received: 22:51_

_From: Puckerman_

_I talked to Finn. It didn't work._

A smile spread across his face and he placed the phone back on his night stand, reaching over to flick the light off and turning to go back to sleep, trying to ignore the fluttering of happiness in his stomach.

**Xxx**

Rachel smiled a little as she looked up at her dads, placing her knife and fork in the centre of her empty plate.

"Dinner was wonderful daddy," She praised lightly.

Leroy smiled at her.

"I have a lot of homework, would you mind if I'm excused?"

"Not at all sweetheart," Herim put in, taking the plate from the table and placing it in the sink.

"Thank you papa," She smiled at him, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek and starting up the stairs, trying to ignore the flutter of guilt when her daddy called.

"Don't work too hard sweetie."

Pulling the door to her room shut, she sat heavily on her bed and crossed her legs, relaxing back into the cushions and grabbing the phone, dialling the familiar number quickly.

"Jesse speaking."

"Jesse," She replied, eagerly. "It's Rachel."

"Rache," His tone was immediately relaxed. "Hey, what's up?"

"I'm playing a football game." She told him, smiling to herself.

"Wait, sorry, this connection must be bad, I thought you just said that you're playing a football game," He laughed, a deep chuckle. "What did you say again?"

She frowned. "What's funny about it? I said that I'm playing in the football game."

There was a long silence and Rachel was beginning to wonder if he had put the phone down when she heard him say, his voice dangerously low. "Please tell me you're joking."

"What? No, of course not."

"Rachel! Have you lost your mind? You can't play in a football game!"

"Why not?" She asked, affronted, sitting up in her bed. She had hoped he would be happy for her.

"Do you know how dangerously those games are? Have you seen the size of those football players? They're huge! They'll kill you."

"We have a plan, when they throw the ball, we're just going to lie on the floor."

"And let them trample you?" Jesse snapped, anger coating his tone.

"No! You have to trust me here, okay? I'll be fine." She waited, listening as he let out a long sigh and then spoke, his voice soft.

"I just worry about you Rache."

"Well don't," She laughed, "We have to kit all ready too."

"Is red your colour?"

She laughed at his weak joke. "I'm not sure," she teased. "It's a shame we can't make them pink."

He laughed with her. "You're right, you could customise it… stick stars all over it."

"Good idea," She smiled and then said. "It was actually Blaine who gave me and the other girls the idea."

"Blaine, as in Kurt's friend Blaine?"

"Yeah, me and Mercedes went and had coffee with them and Blaine told us that we could compete with only a few players if we want to."

"Well, _thank you Blaine_," Jesse muttered sarcastically, but she only laughed. "Are you all set up for the half time show?"

"Yep," She replied eagerly, glancing across the room at where her costume was already laid out. "Glad to know you concentrate when I text you."

"Always," He promised, laughing again.

"Well, I'd better go, big day tomorrow," She smiled in anticipation, enjoying the tendrils of excitement that worked their way through her.

"Okay, Rache?"

"Yeah?"

"_Please_ be careful."

"Always." She repeated, completely missing the barely concealed worry that flowed through his tone.

**Xxx**

The nerves were greater than she would ever have expected. Going onto a stage to sing in front of a million people, Rachel would have been calmer than this. Nerves were good, she repeated to herself, they mean you care about the outcome. But nothing could really comfort her now. Pushing herself up she made her way over to her bag, rummaging through it until she found the small slip of paper. Grabbing her helmet she sat down and stuck the three gold stars on carefully. Taking a picture on her phone, she sent it, along with a small message.

The reply came quicker than she would have expected.

_Brilliant._

She smiled at it and pulled the helmet on over her carefully plaited hair, and then looked down when her phone buzzed again.

_Please be careful._

**Xxx**

**I hate school. It is so tiring. I just had a holiday and I was expecting to feel well rested, well written and ready to learn for when I go back. I don't. **

**Anyway, sorry for the long wait guys, just a heads up, I have exams at the moment, so all of my spare time is spent studying :(**

**Anyway, I interweaved the Thriller episode so yeah :)**

**Please review, I'd like at least eight before I update, to make the now inevitable bad exam marks worth it :)**

**Okay, I really hope I haven't just jinxed it.**

**Lots of love**

**Ray**

**xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**xxx**

He was chained to his computer, continually pressing the refresh button over the hours that Rachel played. He managed to get a hold of live streaming and caught the last half of the half time performance. He had to admit that it was pretty spectacular, even against Vocal Adrenaline standards. He was glad to see that the earlier absent football team had reappeared and continued the game. They won, rather amazingly and Jesse let a relieved smile spread over his lips as he watched Rachel run with her friends out onto the pitch and embrace the team tightly. His smile fell a little when she hugged Finn closely and his teeth gritted together as he closed the laptop down quickly.

He didn't need to see anymore.

It took her around an hour to call him. She was still breathing hard, the adrenaline from her most recent performance running through her veins.

"Hi!" She cried, breathlessly.

"Hey," He replied, smiling and leaning back in his chair.

"We won!"

"I know," He smiled a little.

"You do?" She was slightly disappointed for a moment, before curiosity seeped into her tone. "How?"

"I was watching."

"You were...?" She trailed off before asking, alarm in her voice, "Are you here?"

He could almost picture her glancing around her room, as if expecting him to materialize before her.

"No," He hurried to add, "No, I watched it online. You were amazing."

"Doing what?" She teased, laughing.

"Both." He replied and then added, to lighten the sudden tension. "I enjoyed the customisation."

"Thank you," She replied, laughing. "You were my inspiration."

"I gathered, and I noticed you were number 1."

"As always," She rolled her eyes in reply and then laughed again.

"As long as you weren't hurt." He smiled. "It's a pretty dangerous sport."

"Well, I wasn't," She answered, pushing away the flutter in her stomach at his concern. "You know Brittany, Quinn and Santana?"

"How could I not?" He quipped. "What of them?"

"They were going to quit the Glee club, I told you, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" He leant back further in his chair as he spun himself gently. "So?"

"They didn't, they came back at the last moment."

"What?" He shot up in his sheet, knocking half of his books across the room as he careened forward, spluttering. "They did what?"

"They rejoined, I don't know what changed their mind… but at least now we have enough members to compete."

"That's great Rache, I'm really happy for you."

"You are?" He frowned at the shock in her voice, replying with the utmost sincerity.

"Yeah… I am."

**Xxx**

A few days later, Rachel emerged from her English Literature classroom, smiling widely at the prospect of Glee club. The crinkly pink hearts and sparkling pink stars that lined the walls of the corridor were easy to ignore as she mulled over her options for the next solo she would sing. Stopping to flip through the folder in her arms, she was half way through deliberating over two pieces of music, making a mental pros and cons list, when she felt someone collide roughly with her shoulder. Looking up in surprise, she sighed when she saw Santana stop in front of her.

"Hey, Yentil."

"What do you want?" Rachel snapped, her patience already wearing thin.

"Just to tell you that now that I am out of my Cheerios uniform, I can see how much better I dress that you, I mean honestly… could you get anymore unattractive?" Santana sneered, her lip curling. "Proving once again how much better I am than you."

Rachel scoffed, rolling her eyes and slamming her folder shut.

Obviously sensing she had made no real impact, Santana stalked closer and continued. "I mean, honestly dwarf, you've been out with what, three guys? Two were only using you and the other, well, let's be honest, has the mental capacity of a tea spoon. I mean hell, you even dated Puck and he isn't exactly picky about who he dates, he even dated that geek that won the maths fair two years ago. But you," Santana laughed nastily. "You couldn't even keep hold of him."

Turned, she strutted away into the crowds and Rachel clenched her teeth together. Santana was starting to get on her last nerve.

**Xxx**

There was a strange tension in the room, when the Glee club gathered together. The kids talked quietly amongst themselves, only stopping once Mr Shue started talking.

After his rousing speech about love songs, Finn clambered awkwardly up and stood at the front, his hands in his pockets, a goofy and strangely superior smile on his face as he said.

"I just want to point out that a whole week has gone by without any of us being slushied." A ripple of agreement and applause spread through the room and Finn continued. "I think the fact that I led the team to a conference championship might have something to do with it. The fact is, I'm the closest thing this Glee Club has top a celebrity right now." The group glanced at each other and Rachel suppressed a chuckle as she saw Mercedes' eyebrows shoot upwards. "And like any great celebrity," Finn continued. "A want to give to a charity- you guys."

The group bristled slightly. Being called a charity case, by Finn no less, was slightly insulting.

"So I'm setting up a kissing booth, a dollar a smooch, for you guys." Finn finished, oblivious to their distaste and smiling proudly.

There was an outcry of protest and Rachel was surprised when she noticed Finn snap at Santana.

"Do you ever get tired of pulling people down?"

"Not really, no." Santana shot back.

"You're just a bitch." Lauren commented, her hard eyes glaring at Santana as the Latina scowled back.

"Excuse me, you've just got eyes for my man."

Another argument ensued, until, after watching Santana flick her hair once again, Rachel finally snapped.

"The truth is Santana that you can dish it out, but you can't take it, maybe you're right, maybe I am destined to play the leading role in the Broadway version of _Willow_, but the only job you're going to have is working on a pole!" She trailed off, breathing heavily, scowling down at the unusually quiet girl.

Watching Santana storm out was strangely satisfying. The amount of times Rachel had wanted to do that but hadn't… It gave her a strange feeling, a feeling of strength. At least she could stay in the room.

After a while, you got used to the insults.

**Xxx**

Sitting heavily down on her bed, she leant back in her pillows and smiled as she pressed speed dial.

"Happy Valentines Day," He answered happily.

"It isn't Valentines Day yet," She chastised, lightly.

"But it will be soon, so I'll say it now."

"Well you're right, it is a happy day." She smiled, leaning back further.

"Oh really, and what has put you in such good spirits?"

"Finn," She answered, slightly reluctantly.

There was a long silence and she knew he was repressing his comments. "Oh?" His voice was too light, too innocent.

She ignored it and continued. "He's setting up a kissing booth, all proceeds go to Glee."

Jesse snorted loudly.

"What?" She asked hotly.

"Nothing, nothing," He replied quickly, still laughing a little. "He's just got more brains than I thought."

"Shut up," She commanded, saying loudly. "Anyway, I plan on getting a one hundred dollar bill and when he isn't able to change it, he will be forced to kiss me a hundred times."

She smiled proudly and there was nothing but silence at the other end.

"Jesse?" She asked.

"That… sounds like a clever plan Rache."

"I thought so," She replied, smiling and missing the reluctance in his voice. "So how's UCLA?"

"Just as good as ever," He responded, with no smugness. "Hard, but it's all worth it. I feel so close Rache, so close to everything we dream of."

She sighed. "I envy you," She admitted, softly. "I wish I was there."

There was a silence and then he asked, quietly. "Even if it meant leaving Finn?"

"Even then." She replied, firmly. "My career is more important."

He sighed a little and then said. "I'd better be going Rache, good luck."

"Bye Jesse, I'll talk to you soon?"

"You'd better count on it."

**Xxx**

"Oh come on, you have to be kidding!" Mercedes' voice rang through the Berry household and Rachel laughed uproariously when Kurt shook his head.

"No," He responded, giggling. "I made out with Brittany."

"But she is so dumb she's almost dysfunctional!" Mercedes cried, grabbing the cushion closest to her and throwing it at her.

"It didn't really matter to me at the time." Kurt responded.

"Oh yeah, so you'd make out with Brittany but not me?" Mercedes sounded affronted and Rachel stifled her giggle, wary of the girl's thunderous look.

"Oh come on," Kurt appealed as the sharp ringing of her phone got him off. They stopped their argument to watch as she answered and she waved them off, causing the fight to resume immediately as she said.

"Hello?"

"Rache?"

He face flushed immediately and she glanced back at Mercedes and Kurt, clutching the phone closer to her even though she was certain they couldn't hear her.

"Oh, hey," She slipped out of the door silently, leaning against the cool wall of her landing.

"How you doing? Have you got company?"

"Yeah, Mercedes and Kurt have come round."

"Good," She could hear the pleasure in his voice. "I'm glad."

"How's it going at the big school?" She teased lightly.

"Great actually, that's why I called."

"Huh?" She frowned in confusion.

"I wanted to tell you about the play I've been cast in, in the drama department."

"You were cast in something?" She exclaimed. "That's so amazing Jesse!"

"Yeah, I was cast in the-"

"Rachel?"

Snatching the phone away fro her ear Rachel looked up to see Kurt stood beside her.

"Kurt! You scared me." She clutched a hand to her chest.

"Who are you talking to?" He asked, peering down at the phone curiously.

"Oh, no one," Rachel glanced away, whenever she lied she would flush… or you were able to see it in her eyes.

"Seriously Rache, who is it?"

She cringed internally as she reached for the red button, pressing it without giving herself chance to think twice about it, cutting Jesse off immediately.

"It's Jesse isn't it?" Kurt had already guessed.

"Maybe," Rachel responded, still flushing as she pushed away from the wall, going to move past Kurt. He grabbed her arm, holding her back.

"Why are you talking to Jesse?"

"Kurt!" She hissed, glancing back at her room. "Shh!"

"She doesn't know?" Kurt demanded, nodding his head towards her ajar bedroom door.

"No, please, you can't tell her Kurt!" Rachel begged, shaking the boy's shoulder.

"Okay, okay I won't." He replied, stepping out of her reach and towards the door, stopping before he opened it, his hand hovering over the handle. "But I'm warning you, no good ever comes of keeping secrets."

Watching him turn back into her room Rachel sighed in relief, glancing down at the phone still clutched in her hand. Texting a quick apology to Jesse, she stuffed it in her pocket and squared her shoulders, going back into her room after Kurt.

**Xxx**

Clambering into her car, Rachel pulled the door shut with a bang and rested her head gently against the wheel, sighing heavily.

Pressing the speed dial on her phone was almost instinctive by now and she sighed as she brought it to her ear, slowly sitting up, waiting for him the answer.

"Rache?"

"Hey," She could hear the clattering of cutlery and clinking of china in the background. "Where are you?"

"Just popped out for some coffee, are you okay?" She smiled a slightly watery smile- it was strange how he could pick up on her emotion in less than five words.

"I think Finn kissed Quinn."

"What?" He asked, immediately, shock reverberating through his voice.

Quickly she explained the situation in a small voice, stopping once or twice to breathe heavily, trying to stop herself from crying. "So I'm not sure what I should do." She confessed finally.

"Well, I wouldn't go on just what Santana says, she isn't exactly the most reliable source is she?" Jesse answered.

"You think I should confront Finn." She said as realisation dawned.

"As much as it pains to tell you this, you should at least give him a chance to explain."

She sighed heavily again, "You're right, as always. I didn't think you'd be so responsible when I came to this, I thought you might egg me on."

They both cringed at her choice of words and then Jesse said, his voice a little staggered.

"I want you to be happy Rache, I'm your… friend."

"Thank you," She replied softly, then asked, in a quiet voice. "Do you think they did?"

He was quiet for a moment, before replying. "Probably, people like that, they will always tend to stray back to each other, they can't help it." He took a deep breath and said. "But maybe this is the right thing, maybe you both need to move on."

**Xxx**

It was kind of sad, sitting down to the lonely hearts club alone on Valentine's Day. More than kind of sad actually. Very sad, very very sad. But there was nothing she could do, she supposed, as she ordered a soda water, ignoring the waitress' pitying glance.

Sipping her drink gently, she wished Kurt and the Warblers would hurry up and arrive, because once they had performed she could go home and watch old films like she always did on this day.

The buzzing of her phone distracted her and she glanced down, smiling when she saw the text he had sent her.

_Happy Valentines Day, remember that your best friend loves you. X_

She flushed a little, looking up guiltily when Mercedes, Tina and Mike squeezed in beside her. As the Warblers performed, Rachel kept her hand on her phone, clinging to it and a tingling warmth shot through her.

She wasn't as alone as she thought.

**Xxx**

**Oh my God, talk about rattling this out in record time! I'm so sorry for the wait, it has been far too long and I will not leave it that long again. I've been under the weather and lacking inspiration and had about a million exams, but the recent Glee episode inspired me. **

**How amazing is that by the way?**

**Argh, words cannot describe… The ND performance… The Klaine kiss… The fact that Rachel may POSSIBLY get over Finn **_**fingers crossed!**_

**Anyway, amazing stuff, I literally screamed when New Directions won!**

**I hope for around eight reviews… desperately hope for it I may add ;)**

**Love y'all!**

**Ray**

**xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**xxx**

Jesse sighed a little, tapping his pen softly against the desk as his lecturer talked in front of him. Around him students were starting to fidget, the warmth of the sunlight shining through the large windows and casting playful, tempting shadows throughout the room as it slowly set. In front of him one boy, who had taken his laptop out to take notes, was checking his Facebook and the girl next to him was playing solitaire on her phone.

The buzzing of his phone jerked him from his stupor and he glanced up, making sure he was in the clear before pulling it slyly from his pocket, keeping it under the desk as he scanned the message.

_HUGE NEWS CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE!_

His brows furrowed and he cringed when he heard a cough from above him. Looking up slowly he sighed inwardly when faced with his lecturer, Miss Clark.

"Mr St James, I'm presuming that this message is important?"

"Well, it could be yes," Jesse regretted the snarky comment the moment it had slipped from his mouth and suppressed a groan when his teacher's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Has anyone died?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Well… no, not that I know of."

"Then there is no need for you to text during my class." She held her hand out and Jesse reluctantly placed the device in her hand. Turning, she started back to the front of the class, completely ignoring Facebook dude, and solitaire girl, both of whom avoided her gaze.

"Your girlfriend will have to wait until the end of the class Mr St James."

He opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it again, a small smug smile playing on his lips.

**Xxx**

"What took you?" Was the first thing she asked.

"Unfortunately your text was intercepted by my professor, she lives in the stone age, so I was forced to hand over my cell and then stand for half an hour by her desk after class and listen to a lecture on how mobile phones will eventually kill me in one way or another."

"Ah, sorry."

"No, it doesn't matter," He leaned back against his cushions. "So what's the big news?"

"Huge," She corrected and then continued. "Coach Sylvester has joined Glee club."

His mouth fell open and he tried to force it to formulate words, but couldn't seem to make it work. Her giggle at the end of the line finally returned his voice box.

"What…?"

"I know, I don't know whose idea it was, whether it was all her or Mr Shue. She's been pretty down after losing so badly at Nationals."

"But really, joining Glee club? I thought she was your sworn enemy, how is that supposed to work?"

"Who knows," She sighed and then continued. "Mr Shue wants us to focus on anthems this week."

"Another 'lesson objective'," He laughed a little. "Will you ever pick just one song and practice, I mean, Regionals are in a few weeks."

"I know, but he never listens to my suggestions anyway, why would that change now? So I'm guessing that once again I will be forced to win Regionals for us because we will have absolutely zero rehearsal time." She shook her head, a martyred expression covering her face and on the other end of the line he laughed.

"You will do superbly, if Shue actually lets you sing this time that is."

She just sighed and shook her head.

"So what else is new in the life of Rachel Berry?"

"Sam has started the 'Bieber Experience'."

"The what?" He asked blankly.

You know, Justin Bieber…?"

"Do not mention that disgrace to music in my presence." He snarled and she laughed loudly. "No, honestly," He continued, "I don't understand why girls like him so much."

"Me neither," Rachel giggled. "But Sam seems to get it because he's been going around performing as Bieber-"

"Is that even legal?" Jesse cut in frowning and she shrugged at her end.

"I don't know, but anyway, he's been paid for it and everything and he obviously thought he had a trick or two because he performed _Baby _to Quinn today."

"Oh?" Jesse cocked an eyebrow. "I thought that Quinn had kissed Finn."

"Maybe Sam's trying to forget about it," She suggested. "Or maybe he's hoping she'll pick him eventually."

"And how did Quinn take it?"

"Very well, I think she was sufficiently wooed."

"And what about you, were you at all wooed by Sam's Biebering?"

There was a guilty silence at her end and he sprang on it at the first chance he got.

"_No!" _

"I don't know what it is about it!" She cried back and he cut through her.

"Rachel Berry you have gone over to the dark side, I cannot believe you've become a… _Belieber."_

He spat the word out in disgust.

"It was unintentional!" She retorted. "And _I know _that's he's an abomination to the music industry… but there's just something about his songs that makes me…"

"Don't finish that sentence!" He cried, scowling and saying. "Moving on, what else is going on?"

"I've decided to start a trend." She informed him proudly.

"What?" He spluttered, before he could stop himself.

"What?" She demanded. "I've decided that I'm done with men," His stomach fell suddenly at this, "and I'm going to have to start a new trend to kick start my comeback."

"Rache," He pleaded, tactically. "You're so original, you wouldn't want to ruin that right?"

She huffed in annoyance. "You're looking at this all wrong Jesse!"

"Sorry, sorry! What's your plan?"

"I've given Brittany half my allowance to spend on leg warmers… but she started by wearing the on her arms, which was so not what we planned. Anyway, we'll get over that little blip. We've decided that whenever anyone asks her who gave her, her amazing techniques, she'll say 'I'm just copying Rachel Berry.'"

"Hmm," He tried to sound encouraging, biting his lip to stop his protests.

She sighed, "Honestly, you're so stubborn. Oh! I just remembered! You were going to tell me about a part you got… last time we spoke?"

"Oh yeah," He nodded and smiled a little. "I got a part in the spring musical, it's not a loud role obviously, but it's still good."

"What are you doing?"

"Spring Awakening."

She sucked breath in through her teeth. "Isn't that a little risqué?"

"You forget, this isn't high school, it's college. And most of the people involved will be around twenty, so for us, no it's not so bad."

"Which part?" She asked curiously.

"Georg," He replied, reaching over to take his script in hi hand, flipping through it as she considered.

"Hmm, not bad. You'd make a wonderful Melchoir though."

"Maybe one day."

_And you could be my Wendla. _He cringed as the thought flashed through his head and shook his head quickly, scowling a little.

"Definitely one day."

**Xxx**

Johnny laughed loudly as Amelia, who was sat across the table, continued her story.

"So then, he came over to me and was like… 'you'd better not have dropped that' and I was trying to keep a straight face, but all I could see was Megan and Holly stood behind me laughing, it was _so_ embarrassing."

Jesse joined in this time, laughing along with Carrie, who was sat beside him, Amelia and Johnny.

"That's the thing with girls," Johnny remarked, leaning forward. "You get so easily embarrassed."

"No Johnny," Jesse put in, taking a sip of his beer idly. "Most people really _do_ get that embarrassed, you just have very little self respect."

The table burst into laughter again, drowning out Johnny's protests and Jesse laughed with them, stopping when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Reaching blindly for it, he held up a hand, attempting unsuccessfully to shush the table as he answered.

"Hello?"

"Jesse?" He sobered up suddenly when he heard the anger in Rachel's voice.

"Hey, what's up?"

"It's just…" she cut herself off. "Are you out?"

"Yeah, I'm just grabbing something to drink with some friends."

"Something to drink? Jesse, you're still underage!" She sounded outraged and he laughed a little.

"Oh relax, everyone does it."

She humphed a little and he realised she had called for a specific reason. Clambering up, he gestured outside to his friends and met Johnny's gaze meaningfully as he walked from the bar, going to stand in the cool night air.

"What's up Rache?"

"I can't believe she said it!" The words tumbled out quickly, falling over themselves in their haste to come out. "She had the cheek to say I'm not very talented, that she's a better diva than me. Mercedes Jones, a better diva than Rachel Berry, how wrong can you be?"

"You challenged her to a diva off?" Jesse guessed and Rachel replied quickly.

"Yes I did, now all we have to do is decide on the song… I'm convinced that something like this can only be solved using something from the Broadway catalogue and she's finally agreed, now we just decide on a song…"

"That way you're home turf, I suppose. Hmm, how about Take Me or Leave Me, from Rent?"

There was silence on the end of the phone as she considered and then finally she said, very softly. "That is an amazing idea."

He frowned a little, but she continued.

"That's great, oh my God, thank you so much Jesse!"

"No problem," He turned, frowning when he spotted Johnny stood at the door, motioning to him. "I'd better go, good luck Rache."

"Thanks Jesse, I'll talk to you soon."

**Xxx**

The next morning, whilst nursing his hangover, he called her.

"Hello?" She answered and he could hear the sounds of people behind her.

"Hey," He croaked a little as he spoke and cringed as he heard her laugh a little.

"Well hey there, feeling a little rough?"

"There's no need to gloat." He huffed. "You're time will come."

"I don't expect so," She laughed again and he changed the subject quickly.

"Where are you?"

"I just got out of school, I'm making my way across the parking lot, wait a second."

There was a muffled rustling and when she spoke again the back ground noise had disappeared.

"I'm back."

"How did it go? The Diva-Off?"

"Oh… we made up in the end?"

"What?" He frowned.

"I know, it was just, singing the song was so much fun and she's talented too. We were just talking about it and it turned out that Coach Sylvester had told Mercedes the same thing, neither of us had actually insulted each other."

There was a moment of silence before Jesse finally said, his tone bemused. "That woman is strange."

"Tell me about it."

"So, how's life?"

"Oh I don't know, how are we ever going to beat Vocal Adrenaline? We're good but we could be so much better, how will we ever win Regionals with just good?"

Jesse sighed and shrugged, "I don't know Rache, maybe if you actually _prepared_ before competitions…"

Rachel groaned cutting through him and nodding in agreement. "I know, but Mr Schue is still pulling all that last minute nonsense. If I don't get any solos I will be so angry."

"And so you should be," He agreed, "You _deserve_ those solos, you're the only one who really works them, how is it fair to give a solo to someone who doesn't even once them that much."

She sighed wistfully, "You should come and coach New Directions."

"At least then I'd get to see you." The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them and he groaned inwardly, squeezing his eyes shut in irritation.

"True," She said finally and he was surprised that she suddenly sounded sad.

"What's wrong?"

"It would just be nice to see you more often." She confessed.

"Soon," He promised, wondering how he was supposed to get out of school long enough.

"Let's hope so," She agreed, sighing wistfully."I suppose the rehearsals must be tiring, how are they going by the way?"

"Not bad," He answered.

"Is everyone off book?"

"Seems so, although our Martha is struggling."

"I'm sure it'll be fine." She smiled a little.

"Of course it will be. I'm in it."

The laughter escaped from her lips before she could stop it and soon they were laughing uproariously together. Finally, when she had managed to regain her breath, a comfortable silence settled.

"I've just thought." He said suddenly. "I know what you can do to get the upper hand at Regionals."

"Oh?"

"How about trying original songs?"

"Original songs?" She mulled over the idea, turning over it in her mind. "Who would write them?"

"Whoever, you could if you wanted to."

"I've never considered that before." She mused, frowning a little.

"Well, think about it. It could mean the difference between a win and a loose."

**Xxx**

Rachel sighed, sitting heavily in her car, stretching out her legs, which were aching profoundly after her ballet class.

The buzzing of her phone provided a welcome distraction from the pain and she reached over, digging through her bag to pull out the device.

_How did it go?_

She smiled a little and tapped out a reply.

_Talking to the club or my ballet class?_

The reply was instantaneous.

_I'm sure you must be lonely without me next to you on the bar, but no, I meant glee club._

_Always so confident. They shot my idea down._

The anger creased his brows together and he grunted in annoyance as he replied quickly.

_What? It was a fabulous idea._

_I know. But Finn encouraged me to just go for it and convince them when the song's written._

Jesse sighed, as much as it pained him to say so he had to admit that the other boy's plan made sense. With grudging respect he replied:

_Makes sense I suppose, any ideas yet?_

_No, but I plan on going home and getting started right away. _

_I'm sure that whatever you write it'll be amazing._

A smiled graced her lips and a hot blush slipped up her neck as she read his praise. He always knew just what to say.

**Xxx**

**Oh God, I found this chapter so hard to write! I'm so so so sorry for the wait, please don't hate me… I have holed myself up in my room, completely ignoring the beautiful sunshine outside (which is a rare occasion where I live) so that I can write this. But here it is, all done. **

**And good news- I passed my music exam (musical theatre) with full marks- :D I am actually so happy about that!**

**So, here's the update… maybe eight reviews before an update… but I could be asking too much. **

**Thank you to my reviewers, especially ILoveStBerry, who kind of kicked me into action with this chapter. **

**Alright, I'm off to soak up the rays.**

**Love you guys!**

**Ray**

**Xxx**

**P.S ANYONE ELSE EXCITED ABOUT JESSE'S RETURN… UH YEAH… ME TOO! XD**


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: Intoxication**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Abandoned, again. Left to wallow in her own self pity, to question what she did wrong this time. And then he appears and suddenly her world is turned on its head all over again. When Jesse appears in the Christmas Tree Sale, Rachel finds where she could always control Finn, Jesse is a force of nature. Dangerous, but intoxicating.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee. **

**xxx**

It had been a while since they had last talked. It seemed as if their bouts of conversation came in sporadic bursts, which sometimes irritated Jesse thoroughly. But, unwillingly to scare her away, he refrained himself. His friends managed to distract him, taking him to parties where he rebuffed the advantages of scantily clad girls. On the worst days he would drink himself into a stupor at these parties, forcing Johnny to help him stagger home rambling about Lima, Ohio and a certain brunette starlet.

It was a shock when she called him.

He was walking down the crowded Californian street and was forced to take shelter in the opening of a nearby side street to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Jesse St James!" The words were slurred and rolling and he frowned, listening harder and picking up the laughter and shouts of people behind her.

"Rachel?" He started down the street again, pausing to open the door to his building as she riled on him.

"Jesse! You know that you were a jerk right?" Her words were still slurred and he was able to pick up the chattering of voices behind her.

"Where are you?" He asked, his heart starting to thump as he let himself into his room.

"At my house of course!" She cried and her voice slid, slipping through the words.

"Who with?"

"The Glee club!" She laughed hard and there was a chorus of cries behind her.

"Rachel, who are you talking to?" His teeth clenched as he heard Finn Hudson's deep, but strangely steady voice behind her.

"Jesse of course!" She shouted, laughing even harder.

"Who?" Puckerman's voice was unmistakeable.

"St Jerk." Jesse rolled his eyes at Hudson's unoriginal nickname. "Give me the phone Rachel, you shouldn't be talking to him."

His hands clenched around the phone and he heard the recognisable sounds of a scuffle on the other side of the phone as Rachel cried. "No!"

"Rachel?" He asked, alarmed.

"St James?" Puckerman's voice came through the phone.

"Thanks so much for looking after her Puckerman." He said, deadpan, an undercurrent of anger running through his tone.

"You're telling me you've never been to a party St James?"

"Well… I…" Jesse stumbled over his words, momentarily surprised. The blurred half images of his most recent drunken nights came to mind.

"Yeah I thought so." Puckerman's voice was smug.

"Where are you?" Jesse asked.

"At her house.

"_Why_?" He was completely perplexed. "Rachel doesn't drink."

"She does now." Puck sounded amused. Extremely

"Puckerman…" The danger in his voice must have warned Puck that Jesse was deadly serious.

"Okay, no need to get your curling iron in a twist… We persuaded Rache to have a party… To loosen her up."

"What?" He asked, incredulously. "You _what?_"

"St James, chill the hell out okay?"

"Get everyone out," The barely suppressed rage made his voice quiver. "Make sure she's okay."

"She's fine!"

"Puckerman."

"Fine, fine! On your own head be it…" His rose his voice, shouting over the din. "Okay guys, let's take this back to my place!"

A general cry of agreement went up and Jesse heard Puck talking to Rachel and strained, trying to hear what was being said.

"Rache, you stay here okay?"

"What? But I don't want to Noah! Why are you being such a spoil sport?"

"Trust me Rache, you still need to be able to write songs right? Just go up to bed."

"What? But why?" She whined.

"This is your first party, let's take it steady."

Grumbling started in the background and Jesse jumped when Puckerman's coarse voice came through the phone, rough already.

"Happy now?"

"Sincerely," Jesse replied, smirking. "It sounds like you've had quite a lot already Puckerman, are you sure you're going to be okay?"

Puck scoffed, "please, I can take way more than this. Check you later St James."

Once again Jesse was met with the dialling tone and he sighed, throwing the phone onto his bed. Without another thought he reached over, grabbed a duffel bag and started throwing clothing into it. He wasn't sure whether it was a need to be sure that she was okay that fuelled him to do it, or whether it was just a need to see her, period. Whatever it was, he was giving in and booking the first flight to Ohio.

**Xxx**

When Jesse arrived at Rachel's house, there were lights on. Slowly he approached, clambering from his car and starting through the door, which was unlocked.

Following the sound of the music, he went down to the Oscar Room.

It was, in short, a complete and utter mess. It looked like some kind of bomb had hit it, scattering debris to the wind. Empty bottles lay around the room, one leaking some kind of questionable, dark substance onto the cream carpet and cans, crushed to small, rounded shapes were covering every available surface.

"Jesse?"

Turning, his breath caught in his throat when he spotted Rachel, slumped on the small stage at the end of the room, two empty bottles surrounding her and one clutched tightly in her left hand, whilst her other waved haphazardly, the pink sparkly microphone dangling from it.

Her hair was dishevelled, curled, so it seemed shorter and she was wearing a slightly odd mint grown gown, with a strange, off white stain on one of the lacy shoulders. Her eyes, bright and too aware, met his and she beamed, her smile wide.

"Jesse!" She repeated, with more vigour and staggered to her feet.

He jumped forward, catching her before she fell and holding her for a moment to long in his arms, savouring the warmth of her body against his, before her loud giggle broke through his hazy mind. Settling her on her feet he kept one hand outstretched, jump brushing her elbow, telling himself that it was to catch her in case she fell again, but knowing that really it was his craving of contact with her that made him so careful.

"You're here!" She cried and he snapped his gaze back up to her, smiling a little.

"Yeah," He agreed. "But the party's kind of over Rache."

"What?" She groaned loudly and turned, spinning around and stumbling again, forcing Jesse to snake a hand around her waist to steady her. Worrying that the gesture was too intimate for her to be comfortable, he drew it away again, being halted in the process when she grabbed it, swinging and laughing wildly.

"No it's not!" She protested.

"Yeah, it is Rache, come on, let's get you to bed."

"No," It had become more whiny now and she folded her hands across her chest, pouting so adorably that he thought a little part of him might have melted a little.

"Yes," He countered gently, taking her hand and leading her towards the stairs, ignoring her slight resistance.

They made it up the first flight of stairs okay, Rachel falling once and having to sit down for a moment until she gained control of her laughter before starting again. They were only a few steps away from the second flight however when Rachel stumbled again, falling straight into Jesse's arms.

Laughing softly, he allowed himself to hug her once, and very quickly, a small smile gracing his features as she reached out and hugged him back, sparks shooting up his back at her touch. She ran a hand up, against his spine and her fingers playing gently with the small strands of hair at the nape of his neck. And then, suddenly, without him knowing how, her lips were on his.

The soft cherry flavour covered his and he kissed her back fiercely, letting his desire reign for a moment, his lips hard and conquering against hers, his grip tight and strong and then sighed softly, and went to push her away. But then a sweet, deliciously innocent moan escaped her and he could feel himself being pulled in, unable to stop himself from kissing her again.

It had been so long since their first kiss back at the tree sale. Too long. Tingles ran right through him and he shivered as her wandering hand went up to run through his hair.

Pulling her closer, he kissed her with ridiculous force, ridiculous passion, knowing that at any moment the spell could end, she could decide that she didn't really want him and push him away. He was too far in to back out and anyway he would never… _could_ never stop now. His tongue slipped out, begging for entry by running over her sweet, plump bottom lip and she immediately allowed it, letting their tongues tango within their small dance floor. He stumbled, pulling her closer and leading them towards a wall, pushing her back and into the wall with surprising strength and he leant down, capturing her lips once more, reclaiming them after the millisecond they were apart. His hands slammed, palm down, either side of her face and her hands wandered further down, until they reached the waistband of his jeans.

That broke the spell.

Breaking away he gasped for breath, leaning away from her to try and dispel the dizziness he felt with her near. He couldn't do this, not now. She was drunk for goodness sake! It would be wrong, he would be taking advantage of her.

Her laugh, long and drawn out into a languorous chuckle, let heavy, hot, musty breath quiver out onto his cheek and he let out a shaky sigh, trying to disperse his desire.

Her finger appeared, tapping his nose gently as she spoke, her voice dopey and slow. "You, Jesse St James, are a very good kisser."

He laughed with her then, nodding. "I know," He murmured.

**xxx**

Her head thumped.

Her throat was on fire.

Her whole body felt stiff and wooden.

Slowly, she attempted to open her eyes, cringing away and groaning as pain flashed through her head. Squeezing her eyes shut, she cast back to the evening before, trying to remember what had happened the night before. They had been in her Oscar Room, she was sure of that. She had tried to enforce some kind of rules, but she seemed to remember Artie saying something about dinner reservations and Puck convincing her to get more alcohol out… she would think more on that later. She had talked to Finn and said something to him and he had explained something about drunken girls.

Then… had she suggested they play a game? Which game? Hide and seek? Scrabble? Wait… no… spin the bottle. And she had…

She had kissed Blaine.

Now that she remembered pretty well. He had been amazing, the feel of his lips against hers, brushing against her, his sweet smelling cologne, the harshness of his lips, so dominating, so ruthless with desire, the sound of his hands slamming down either side of her head as he forced her against that wall…

Wait. That wasn't Blaine.

That was…

Oh my God.

She shot up, regretting it immediately when pain flashed through her head. She groaned out loud, casting a glance around the, seemingly empty room as she did so.

"Hey sleeping beauty." She looked towards the door and her mouth fell open when she saw him walk through, holding a tray.

"Uh… hi… I mean… hey."

He grinned at her and left the tray on the desk, bringing her water and a familiar white pill. "Swallow," He instructed gently, pressing the objects into her hands.

"Thank you," She replied, doing as he said.

"So," He leant back against the bed frame. "They think this is the first time you've been drunk?"

"Yeah," She glanced at his uneasily, swallowing quickly. "They don't know about…. Last time."

"Fair enough. How are you feeling?"

"Erm, a little confused," She glanced at him uncertainly. "When did you get here?"

"Last night, it was quite late and you were pretty out of it."

"How did you know…" Realisation came as she spoke and she cringed, burying her head in her hands as she remembered the drunk dialling. "Oh no," She moaned.

"Oh yes," He laughed a little, resting a comforting hand on her knee even as he teased. "Welcome to your first case of drunk dialling."

"Never again," She grumbled.

"That's what they all say." He laughed again, getting up and starting towards the door. "You should hydrate okay? I've just boiled the kettle, you need to drink hot drinks to help your throat and voice. Tea or coffee?"

**Xxx**

A few hours later she is curled up on her sofa, wrapped in her coverlet, her feet tucked beneath her as she leaned into him, watching as Judy Garland sang merrily before her. Sensing his eyes on her, she looked up, smiling a little as she asked.

"What?"

"Nothing," She smiled back, glancing away and she considered for a moment before deciding to not push it and say, instead.

"Exactly how bad is the mesh downstairs."

He glanced at her, raising his eyebrows. "What do you think?"

She groaned, burying her head in the coverlet and he laughed slightly, his arm around her tightening.

"It's okay," He comforted. "We'll get it sorted, no worries."

She sighed, but didn't disagree, tucking herself into him again as she asked. "How's the show going?"

"Fine," He nodded, smiling a little.

"When's opening night?"

"A few weeks yet, the first Saturday of next month." He was silent for a second, before saying, a little hesitantly. "You should come down."

"I will." She smiled. "If I can."

He nodded and they fell into comfortable silence again, before she asked.

"How's life at college treating you?"

He smiled and replied. "Not too bad. I'm enjoying the sun."

"And the classes?" She prompted.

"And the classes." Jesse agreed, laughing. "So, what do you remember about last night?"

"We played spin the bottle." She replied, looking at the screen and frowning curiously when she saw his head snap down to look at her.

"Oh really?" He asked, too innocently.

"Yeah," She continued, oblivious to his discomfort. "And I kissed Blaine."

He shifted in his seat, trying to not let his irritation show on his face. "Oh?" Was all he could manage.

"Yeah, he's so sweet. So nice. And it felt so good you know, he was so gentle and he tasted _so good_." She glanced at him, innocent and blushing a little. "I think… and don't laugh okay? But I think there's a spark between us."

"A spark?" He repeated, his voice breaking over the last word.

"Yeah," She nodded. "And I think I'm going to ask him out."

Jesse, who had just taken a gulp of water, coughed and spluttered forcing her to lean around and thump him on the back, asking anxiously. "Are you okay Jesse?"

"Sure, sure." He coughed a little. "God, don't launch that on a guy like that Rache." He added, only half joking.

"Sorry," She grinned. "Do you think it's a good idea?"

"What?"

"Me and Blaine," She confirmed, impatiently. "Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Do you like him?" He asked finally and she nodded vigorously.

"Will he hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"Then…" He squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "Go and get him."

"Thank you!" She launched herself onto him and hugged him tightly.

His head rested on her shoulder for a moment and he allowed himself just a second to hug her back, to remember the feeling of her embrace, her sweet, intoxicating scent. The pain he felt at the thought of her with another man almost brought tears to his eyes, but the thought of her unhappy pushed that away. She should be happy. She deserved that.

"Do you… do you not remember last night then?" He asked, hesitantly.

Her eyes flicked away. "Not really…. did anything happen?"

He studied her expression for a moment, taking in her slight flush, her eyes looking up at him through impossibly long lashes and sighed, shaking his head. When he spoke, his tone was strangely resigned. "No, nothing. Nothing happened."

**Xxx**

He left that evening. Standing at the door, watching him go, was ridiculously painful. She steeled herself, hugging him tightly, and the smell of his aftershave, so familiar, brought back all too vivid memories of the night before, crushing lips on hers and hands clutching her tightly. Shoving those thoughts away she pasted a bright smile on her face, waving him away and promising to come to open night, making him swear on his Sondheim collection to text her when he got back.

Watching him walk away was hard, not that she would ever admit it to anyone, not even herself. Leaning against the doorway, she watched him, still smiling widely and waving him away, trying to ignore her inner melancholia. Once his car had disappeared she allowed herself only a few moments to lean back against the door, her breathing becoming heavier as she allowed the sadness to wash over her.

She didn't try to stop the images from last night washing through her mind. His touch, so exciting, electrifying and yet like that of a gentle lover, seemed to be etched into her skin. Her lips still tingled from the taste of his and she smiled as she recalled the perfect way they fit together, not acknowledging the slight smugness she felt. It had been a long time since he had kissed her like that, so fiery and passionate and filled with desire.

For a moment she felt the longing twist her stomach almost painfully as she thought desperately of what could have been, a want acute to the point of pain filling her as she walked slowly back to the living room, her hands still wrapped around herself, as if to keep her together.

The memory of their short time together surfaced and she sighed. The feel of his arms around her, warm, loving, protective. The way he always knew what she wanted, when she wanted it. There was no prompting, no awkward silences. Their relationship had been volatile, full of devastating lows, but unforgettable highs too. The excitement, the romance. It was something she thought she would probably never forget.

Bending down she selected the DVD named, in curled script: _The Way We Were_ and slid it into the player.

Sitting back on the sofa she wrapped herself in the coverlet again, inhaling deeply and letting a small smile grace her face as she spotted the familiar, rich scent of his aftershave.

Settling back with the coverlet around her, she started the movie.

One day.

She would grieve for what could have been for one day.

And then look to the future.

**Xxx**

**Hey guys! Argh, sorry once again for the long wait. Real life keeps kicking in and killing all my time. To make up for it I shoved something in here that I think y'all might be quite happy about. Thank DunderMifflinite because she totally spurred me on to add that in there. I do love writing St Berry kisses, they make my day. The chemistry between them is wonderful. **

**I'm guessing everyone's seen the promo… isn't it amazing? I love that he is back SO MUCH and I've seen a serious rise in fanfics since that promo. Remember guys, we are the ones who stuck it through! So, major Jesse loving going on, oh and the bit with Quinn and Rachel in the bathroom- Oh my God! I cannot wait for this new episode, it should be amazing. **

**Anyway, I have to pop off now- sad times :(**

**I hope y'all enjoyed and send me a review. I'm pushing around ideas for a prom one shot and that might be up by this weekend if you guys wanna read it (shameless plug there)**

**Okay, so eight or nine reviews? Thanks guys. **

**Love you lots!**

**Ray**

**xxx**


End file.
